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TechnoratiWhy do churches have conflicts?
The reason churches have conflicts is because the people who attend them are sinners. Soviet dissident and Pulitzer Prize winner, Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote, “If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.”
On this side of heaven, our sin nature doesn’t change after we become Christians.
In fact, a major reason churches experience such destructive conflict is because it is so contrary to what people (unrealistically) expect to find. When it does occur, instead of constructively dealing with it in a healthy way, people try to bury it – only to eventually discover it emerging with a vengeance. And then people are shocked. We need to establish a pro-active conflict management system in every church. Such a system will more likely transform a dispute into a positive outcome.
A few years ago, the Hartford Institute for Religion Research conducted the largest survey of congregations ever conducted in the U.S. In the area of conflict, they identified nine areas of conflict. I then did my own research and found that each of these areas of conflict can be found in the pages of the New Testament. It is reassuring to know that the interpersonal issues we have today can be traced back to the first century. God’s transcendent grace and faithfulness, thankfully, abides as well.
What do you do for churches having conflict?
Before I directly answer your question, let me provide the context. Typically, as a conflict emerges and escalates, the church becomes more and more closed as a social system. Often times, church leaders will say, “We'll handle this conflict ourselves.” This is an early indication that the conflict will not end well. What typically happens is that communication and relationships break down even further. "Parties are not talking to each other" is a common result.
This is nothing new to conflict resolution theorists and practitioners who, for years, have recognized the inherent negative interpersonal dynamics of closed systems. Researchers have found that the usefulness of direct, head-to-head negotiations decrease as the intensity of the dispute increases. At this point, a power struggle emerges.
The need for a third-party mediator to bring perspective and constructive communicative processes cannot be emphasized enough. Unresolved conflict impacts more than just the disputing parties. The entire congregation has a stake. Beyond the final resolution, how the conflict is resolved also becomes a major factor.
The first thing I do for churches in conflict is provide all parties with an outline of the process from beginning to end. The more understandable the process, the less energy expended on wondering what's going to happen next. (If the mediator can't tell you the process he intends to follow up, and the rationale behind it, look elsewhere).
Long before I arrive at the church, I collect information, including the written, first-hand perspectives of the primary, secondary, and tertiary stakeholders, as well as relevant church documents. I then follow up with correspondence and/or telephone conversations as needed. By the time I enter the church, I typically know more about the conflict than anyone else. Onsite, I personally meet with each side (typically Friday evening) before we enter into joint meetings that usually cover all day Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Continue »
