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Opinion|Fri, Feb. 01 2008 10:49 AM EST

Murky Morality

By Mark Earley|Christian Post Guest Columnist

Writing about the movie Juno in a recent column in the New York Times, author Caitlin Flanagan laments the plight of a pregnant teenage girl. Flanagan proclaims what she says is the “bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: Female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine” — and that is pregnancy.

Flanagan is right, of course, that becoming pregnant will forever alter the life of a teenage girl. Whether she keeps the baby, puts it up for adoption, or, tragically, decides to abort, the teenage girl will carry the consequences of her actions throughout her life.

And Flanagan is right that “pregnancy robs a teenager of her girlhood.” But Flanagan’s prescription for preserving that girlhood misses the mark. Feminists, Flanagan writes, have a “deep commitment to girls.” But their commitment, she writes, does not center on protecting the chastity of girls. Instead, they focus on freeing girls to compete with boys. And that depends on their being “sexually liberated.” And being sexually liberated depends on diminishing “among the very young the trauma of pregnancy.”

But what is really a “terrible fact” is that our young girls are being lied to and told that their happiness depends upon being sexually liberated. That is the wrong message for young women, for young men — and for adults, too.

Flanagan is genuinely interested in keeping teenage girls from the difficulties created by pre-marital sex. But instead of lighting a candle, she curses the darkness she perceives. She decries nature itself for making women women. I also think it is telling that while Flanagan uses a lot of hard words to describe teen pregnancy, not once in her column does she mention the word marriage.

The hard truth is that teenage pregnancy is a very foreseeable consequence of removing God’s standards from the arena of sexuality and replacing them with self-gratification. That is what tarnishes young souls—not the design of biology. The result is a murky morality that bows to self.

And it is exactly this murky morality that has helped build the culture of death in America, the crowning achievement of which is the Roe v. Wade decision handed down 35 years ago. If nature does not allow for consequence - free sex, then why not bend nature and erase the consequences?

But God is the Author of nature. He created our sexuality to bless us, not to curse us. He created it for the mutual joy and self-giving of man and woman within the haven of marriage. And He made it for the procreation of children within the natural family.

So you see, the answer to teen pregnancy does not lie in sexual liberation. No, the answer is to liberate our young women from the false idea that nature dealt them an unfair hand and that they are nothing more than the sum total of their impulses and desires. Doesn’t it make more sense to help them see that they are wonderfully made — and that by living according to God’s good plan for them, their deepest longings can be fulfilled?

_________________________________________________

From BreakPoint®, January 29, 2008, Copyright 2008, Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with the permission of Prison Fellowship Ministries. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced or distributed without the express written permission of Prison Fellowship Ministries. “BreakPoint®” and “Prison Fellowship Ministries®” are registered trademarks of Prison Fellowship

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  • Thu Feb 07, 2008 7:34 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Great article Mr. Earley. Your comments are down-to-earth, and their truth is irrefutable.

  • Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:27 pm Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    Could part of a "murky morality" be the result of a "murky gospel?" Are too many parents who confess Christianity trying to raise their children with a socially accepted gospel, instead of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

    A Christian parent should seek to establish a godly home that is filled with the presence and power of the Holy Spirit, a home that is filled with the dynamics of God's word, praise, and worship. A Christian parent is to be a watchman on the wall, guarding the home and child from demonic, sensual, and seductive infiltration, blocking all possible inroads with fervent prayer and fasting.

    Children raised in purity and truth without compromise, will be given a wonderful "discernment alarm." When filth and falsehood approaches, they will have a better chance of sensing it. They may hit the "snooze button," but at least the parent can say, "I was obedient to the Lord."

    A Christian parent should not be tempted to dumb down the gospel with socially accepted terms such as, pre-marital sex or sex outside of marriage. The word of God calls it fornication, and such a lifestyle has a consequence other than just pregnancy or an STD.

    “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21)

    Is fornication a lesser sin, should that even be an issue, since it carries the same consequence as the rest of the list?

  • Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:17 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Strudelcookies, thanks for your thoughts, good stuff. Steve

  • Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:09 pm Agree: 2   Disagree: 0

    I hope it's all right if I add a comment here. Speakin' as a girl...

    I think it all comes to coloring within the lines. Certain things lead to sex, and I think if a person avoids those things & sets limits for themselves, then sex is unthinkable. My fantastic dad always made sure that I (& my 6 sisters) knew that 16 was the age we could date, and only then in groups, until we were in college. We knew that making out on dates wasn't appropriate, and neither was petting. There's a lot more things than just that, though...I believe it's important for a family to have dinner & prayers together, & to go to church together. My parents always stressed us to pray and study our scriptures on our own time, as well, and they were always attentive to our schoolwork. (Way too attentive to mine, I sometimes think.) And a lot of other things. I was also lucky to have parents who treated each other very kindly and were good examples.

    Anyways, since the bar was set high for us and we knew where to draw the line, we never really got into trouble. I think of a couple of my friends, one who always said she wouldn't have sex before marriage, but always read dirty magazines and books, and later became pregnant, and another friend who only dates guys based on how well they make out, and now she can't form a stable emotional relationship to save her life. My parents may have seemed strict when I was in high school, but I'm grateful they were. I realize now that I wasn't emotionally or spiritually mature enough to handle things of that nature. Phew. Where would we be without parents?

    I know that some people argue that if you care about your kids, you would give them the facts on sex and give them birth control. I don't agree with this. I think if a person cares about their kids, they would set rules and want them to achieve as high standards and goals as possible. If my dad ever wanted me take birth control, (which I'm pretty darn sure he would never do) I wouldn't think he cared about me...I would probably burst into tears because he didn't trust me. Or slap him. Or set the house on fire. Probably set the house on fire. It's me, after all. :) The way I knew my parents cared about me is that they always pushed me to do well in all aspects of life.

    Anyways, I hope everyone can forgive me for this long comment. I just look at several of my friends around me and see how emotionally warped their lives are, and I feel grateful all over again for an *incredible* dad who cared about me & my sisters. Aaaah...ya, he's awesome. Hooray for dads.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:27 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Chriss, I appreciate your sentiments. I think the best I can say is that in writing these things many of the points you have rightly raised I have covered with her. It's not really possible though to cover them here. Somethings I will have got right, be of no doubt though some will be wrong. Steve

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:25 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    One other thing, a sin is a sin, it is against God and no matter what it is we are to avoid it at all costs. It is useless to say that "such and such a sin is not so bad", as Christians we need to think from an eternal perspective, not just a worldly perspective that says, well this is not so bad. A big problem with the Church in America is that so many Christians are so lax and just let things go (both with others and with themselves) We need to hold a higher standard and not settle for the secular standard.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:23 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Wilderness, it may be of interest to you to know that quoting bible verses at me as you did does makes not the blindest bit iof diffrence to me (shock, horror!!). Chris333 I can respect because he cares enough abouti matters to state why he believes what he does, coudous to him. You though don't really believe what you posted or you would back it up . Steve
    P.s I need to stop there I can feel a rant coming on

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:21 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Steve,

    You are right that we have to give our children freedom to choose, and we cannot "force" them to do or not do anything. We can only give them guidance and wisdom, and at younger ages we should punish them after doing bad things, but we cannot by any means force them.

    You say you are sure she has not had sex, and I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but you most certainly cannot be fully sure. We also do not make sex a forbidden fruit, rather we should try to guide our children not to have sex until marriage. Sex before marriage is always, 100% of the time wrong, there is no, "Well maybe..." It just is wrong and there is no getting around it, just the same as killing someone because of their race is always wrong, and just like stealing for fun is always wrong. You didn't say this, but I am just trying to make sure it is clear. (Again this is for Christians, I could care less what non-Christians think is right or wrong, unless they want to live fulfilled and better lives in general).

    That being said, there is one other possible difficulty I see with giving your daughter the pill, especially from such an early age (other than the ones I mentioned below) and that is that the pill does affect women's hormones and can give them general discomfort, moodiness, depression, and many other symptoms. I am a strong believer in, if there is not a real problem then do not use medicine or anything that is going to put your body in imbalance. If you are sure that your daughter has not had sex, and you have explained to her that sex outside of marriage is always wrong, and that she should not do that, then spending the money on the pill is wasted, and the negative effects that will happen to your daughter physically (as well as probably mentally) are just not worth it.

    Again, when we send our children off to drive we don't tell them "Don't speed, but just in case you do, here is 500 dollars you can keep in your glove compartment to pay off the officer if you do speed and get caught", why should we even say to our daughters, "Don't have sex before marriage, but just in case you do, take these birth control pills so that you won't have a baby"?

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:02 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Well, she is almost 18 and its been 2.5 years she been on the pill, we have a good honest relationship and I know she has not had sex, so we together must have got it right somewhere. I think the secret is don't make sex a forbidden fruit, as I wrote, sex outside marriage iscertainly not the worst thing she could do. I think that messge gave her the freedom to make the right choices.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:13 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    1Co 6:9, 10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:07 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    steve, (continued)

    Another point is that I believe that every Christian should repent of any sin that they commit, in an honest and sincere way. First this means apologizing to God, and others that you might have wronged for the activity commited. So I would ask you, have you made it very clear to your daughter (supposing she is a Christian) that if she ever does engage in sex before marriage, that she should apologize to God? Secondlly repenting means actively turning away from the sin, so I would ask, have you made it clear to your daughter that IF she did engage in sex before marriage, that she also should strive to change and not do it again?

    Again, we tell a murderer that he must do this, we tell a thief that he must do this, we tell a liar that he must do this, we tell a person with a hateful attitude that he must do this, why should this stop at sexual sin, which I would argue is probably worse than most of these (possibly ommitting murder)?

    Another problem I could see is, suppose that your daughter decides to marry a guy because they have been having sex for a while, and she feels physically attached to him (but perhaps she had sex with him too quickly and didn't think about what kind of person he really was), in the future they might end up having children, and then their marriage crashes and they get divorced (this happens extremely often).

    One final point is that your daughter deserves your trust and also your confidence and support. She is her own person, yes, but you are her father and she needs you to look out for her, protect her, and guide her. We all know that teenagers are not the wisest of all the ages. I would also like to leave you with this, I am a guy, of course, but when I was a teenager I wish I could have had a father who would have guided me and showed me what the right thing to do was. It hurts children a lot more whenever their parents don't do this.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:06 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Thanks for the response to my comments steve,

    I understand that you must have a concern for your daughters future, probably being that IF she did decide to have sex outside of marriage, you would rather her not have to have the extra baggage of a child added to the inherent problems involved with multiple sexual partners.

    That being said, I am not exactly sure what the worst sin is, I know that the utmost worst sin one can commit is rejecting the call of God through the Holy Spirit, and also sinning against God, but something like sex outside of marriage is not just sinning against yourself and the other and their future husband or wife as well as society (because society is negatively affected by it), but most importantly, it is against God, and God hates it (not the person, but the person's sinning).

    Now, as Christians it is my firm belief that we are to stand up against sin, every time. We do not make compromises, and we do not downplay the "wrongness" of sin. Suppose that your daughter does end up having sex with multiple partners, and suppose one of them has an STD, the pill will not protect her against this, and other barriers only have limited protection. And suppose she does not realize she has it, and she also transfers it to several others before discovering it. I think that God puts such warnings in place for a reason, the main reason being to protect our souls.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 9:31 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 1

    Thanks Chris333, I not sure it's really a matter of whether I trust my daughter, after all its her life, I am just aware of how strong emotion sexual desires can be. I don't want to be one of those dads who turns up at church with their "new" grandchild, I've seen it to many times. By the way I've taught my daughter their are far worse sins one can commit than sex outside marriage.

  • Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:57 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    well steve, I do not have any daughters, and I did not give you the thumbs down, but I can tell you what I think is a possible flaw with what you are doing. This argument would require that you believe that sex is supposed to be within marriage also that you truly care about your daughters' well being, which I am sure you do. Firstly, if you make sure that your daughters are on the pill and you say to them, "If you have sex, be careful" Then you are supporting a detrimental behavior that is going to possibly do more than physical damage to them, but emotional as well, they are going to feel as if sex is just something they do for a relationship or else that there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. If you give them the pill and say, "You should not have sex before marriage" then they are going to receive mixed messages. If you really trusted them, then you wouldn't have given them the pill, so they might think that "Dad says not have sex before marriage, but since he lets us be on birthcontrol, he is also expecting we probably will have sex" They will feel that you don't trust them, and that you do not mean what you say.

    Anyways, it is very important that children feel that their parents trust them and believe in them, either you are going to be undermining this trust, or you are going to be supporting a wrong behavior that will do your daughters more damage than good.

    A final word is this, we should not make excuses saying that the human nature is a good reason to doubt the strength of a person. This destroys the persons confidence and self-discipline. For instance, say we are going to a country where child sex slaves are a huge problem, and we tell them, "Well it is wrong, but if you are going to have sex with children, use condoms, because we know how people are!" This message is horrible, but it is just the extreme of what I believe you are doing with your daughters. You need to give them confidence, trust, and a strong foundation in what is right and being able to choose the right over "passions" which will always be with them.

    Please respond.

  • Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:28 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    I read with interest that (at this time of writing) I have 2 thumbs down. I 'd love to hear your reasons for those, but not to seem harsh, only if you have teenage daughters.

  • Sat Feb 02, 2008 12:14 pm Agree: 2   Disagree: 3

    My teenage daughter is wonderfully made but I've still made sure she is on the pill because I believe I have a good understanding of human nature, Passion is a very strong emotion, better safe than sorry.

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