COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — A plaintive letter asking Jesus "why didn't you ever answer my cries?" was found in the car of a gunman who killed four people at a church and missionary school before committing suicide, police said Wednesday.
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(Photo: AP Images / David Zalubowski)Crime tape is stretched across the driveway leading to the road to a youth ministry dormitory on the campus of Faith Bible Church in Arvada, Colo., early on Sunday, Dec. 9, 2007. A gunman entered the dormitory, which is pictured in the background, and killed two residents while another two residdents were injured and taken to hospital.
The unsigned, undated letter is laced with expletives and asks, "Jesus, where are you? Do you even care these days?" KMGH-TV television in Denver reported.
The letter was found in the car of Matthew Murray, 24, on Dec. 9 after he killed two people at a missionary training school in suburban Denver and killed two others at New Life Church in Colorado Springs.
KMGH said it obtained a copy of the letter from someone close to the investigation but did not identify the person. Colorado Springs police later made the letter public.
The 1 1/2-page letter, handwritten on lined paper, sometimes insults God and asks, "Why couldn't you write your (expletive) book more clearly?"
It asks "What have I done so wrong? What is wrong with me anyways? Am I really such a bad person?"
It concludes, "Am I too lost to be saved? My soul cries for deliverance. I'm dieing (sic), praying, bleeding and screaming. Will I be denied???"
Murray had been kicked out of the Youth With a Mission center in Arvada five years before. The center has had an office at New Life.
Interviews and Murray's Internet postings depict him as a disturbed young man who was bitter about being an outcast, turned against charismatic Christianity and dabbled in other beliefs.
Copyright 2008 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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Great, the guy blames his follies on asking jesus for help... and no replies......why wasn't he putting the same effort in looking in himself for his own resolutions first?
What a cop out blaming a god for your follies and your acheivements.
DannyPoo
Yes scripture is clear to those whose eyes, see and whose ears, hear. Much if not most of the trouble with reaching some people is that satan has blinded them to the truth. He is the accuser of the brethren and I know from my own Christian walk that sometimes it takes time to overcome that voice of condemnation that is constantly telling you that "you're not good enough - you're not really saved."
I walked in miserable doubt of my own salvation for over 25 years because I had never been taught the true nature of grace. I was raised in a charismatic church where everything was about displaying proof of the "gift" of the Holy Spirit by speaking in tongues - and because I couldn't conjure up this gift, I felt like an outsider and thought that I must not really be saved, that I hadn't followed the formula correctly or something.
It wasn't until the past several years when I began attending a church that teaches from the bible, verse by verse, precept upon precept that I actually began learning what it really was to be Christian; that I'm saved by grace through faith and that even my faith is not my own effort!
....that I'm a child of God for whom there is now NO condemnation for either past sins or future shortcomings...and that it is by hiding the word of God in my heart and by prayer that I am able to resist the ongoing accusations of the evil one.
My heart truly aches for all those who are only nominal-christians, sitting in churches being taught how to "have their best life now" or some such "relevant" nonsense, rather than being built up in the Word of God - and wondering why they have no peace, no power and no assurance of salvation.
Sorry - but I fully intend to have MY best life in eternity with Christ.
What happened to this boy is tragic. If we as Christians were more diligent about exhorting our fellow believers in Christ, he may have been saved and a tragedy averted. However in all likelihood, the Christians by whom he was surrounded may sadly been primarily cultural-christians or lukewarm-christians.
Little wonder that Christ says that lukewarm christians are so repulsive to Him that He would spew them out. It's as deadly as believing you've taken the antidote to a poison and die never having realized that the antidote that you took was inert had no power to save you. Sad indeed.
Uhh...so this guy wrote in his letter
::begin quote::
The 1 1/2-page letter, handwritten on lined paper, sometimes insults God and asks, "Why couldn't you write your (expletive) book more clearly?"
---and he also wrote:
It concludes, "Am I too lost to be saved? My soul cries for deliverance. I'm dieing (sic), praying, bleeding and screaming. Will I be denied???"
::end quote::
I do not mean to mock this guy, but arent
John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—
John 3:17
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us, in
that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"
Romans 10:9,10 "...If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."
Are these not clear?
A few weeks ago, Focus on the Family ran an interview with his parents. He was brought up in a Christian home and professed faith. Was he a true believer? God knows for sure.
Hey Danielman,
Be careful of your comments. You do not know how many times Jesus may have reached out to this man in the way Jesus saw was best. This man may have rejected Jesus' outreach because it was not in the way he wanted. Jesus will always give us and provide for us in the best way. It may not be what we want but it is always what is best. So before you say that Jesus wouldn't answer this mans prayer, take into consideration that Jesus may have tried and the man rejected it because in wasn't in the way he wanted.
DanielMan
Jesus won't help anyone who doesnt have a shred of faith in Him like this person.
Dont take this as a notion that Jesus ignores people, because He doesnt.
The most troubling, disturbing thing about this story is, here is a person who was crying out for Jesus to help him and Jesus wouldn't.
I agree with you brother and I am in agreement with your prayer, in Jesus name.
This is sad, I wonder if those involved in this young man's life could remember missing opportunities to reach out to him? I pray we never let people who truely want help to be lost , forgotten, or worse kicked to the side. I would be interested in knowing more about his past experience with this church.