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Ministries|Thu, Apr. 17 2008 05:39 PM EDT

Christians Reject Taboo on Hot Sex in Marriage

By Jennifer Riley|Christian Post Reporter

“What’s wrong with married couples having hot and holy sex?” is the question more and more pastors and Christian counselors are posing to believers.

Once regarded as a hush-hush topic in church, sex is increasingly being openly discussed and even promoted by an unlikely ally – Christian pastors. But this effort comes with strings attached – it’s only meant for married couples.

"People carry a lot of guilt from parents who said sex is bad," said the Rev. Kerry Shook, senior pastor of the 15,600-member Woodlands Church outside Houston, according to ABC news. "We help them (couples) to have a healthy sex life. One of the things we cover in scripture is how to meet each other's needs in bed."

Shook and his wife Chris recently delivered a popular sermon titled “How to Make Your Marriage Sizzle” where they combined culinary tips with sex talk that touched on intimacy, marriage, and problems that come between couples.

Meanwhile in Kansas, the Rev. Adam Hamilton of the 14,000-member United Methodist Church of the Resurrection says, “Sex is a gift, a good thing.”

"God allows you to have pleasure," Hamilton said. "That's how he designed your body. Once you learn it's a gift from God, you embrace it and lay aside the shame."

Hamilton noted that while many churches still consider sex a topic not to be discussed, he contends that more open discussions will actually strengthen marriages.

Earlier this year, popular emerging church leader Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle opened the floor up to questions about sex from the mainly young adult congregation. The open talks were part of his sermon series “Religion Saves and 9 Other Misconceptions.”

During his sermon on sex, birth control and abortion, Driscoll said God didn’t create sex only for procreation, but also for pleasure, comfort and protection within marriage.

“There are books … even from Christians who love Jesus that talk about all the pleasures and joys and the anatomical structure of the body and the ways to please your spouse and to have the most joy,” Driscoll said in response to an attendant’s question about pleasing one’s spouse. “And you know what? I would whole-heartedly encourage it.”

“Looking for ways to please your spouse is wonderful. It’s biblical,” he added. “It builds intimacy, love, joy, trust and pleasure. Furthermore, it helps to safeguard and protect a marriage from temptation,” he said.

“I think Christian marriage gets a really bad rap. I don’t think it needs to,” Driscoll said. “I think it was Garrison Keillor who said ‘It’s good old fashioned monogamy that’s really sexy.’”

Christian books about sex are increasingly popular. Conservative Christian leaders Tim LaHaye, co-author of the popular Left Behind series, and his wife Beverly LaHaye wrote the book The Act of Marriage, a sex manual for evangelicals. The book was the first to argue that sex can complement, rather than undermine, a marriage.

"Sex is such an important part of what we believe," said Judy Episcopo, director of women’s ministry at Wisconsin-based Appleton Alliance Church, who recently organized a church conference on sex.

"There's a lot of guilt and pain and complacency about sexual relationships and a lot of ignorance about exactly what the Bible says about sex."

In her conference, she seeks to teach congregants that the Bible says many good things about sex. Although the conference allows single women to participate, it teaches young women to remain pure until marriage.

Another popular conference is Intimate Issues, which helps women age 17-77 understand God’s view of sex. The event describes itself as a spiritual life conference that is a time of redemption, worship, looking in God’s word, and a time to laugh about “the body” and other things that only women can identify with.

Intimateissues.com is one of the most popular Christian Web sites that encourages couples to have a holy and passionate marriage.

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  • Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:18 am Agree: 5   Disagree: 2

    chris

    INCEST.............
    THE FRUIT .......................http://www.psychpage.com/family/library/sib_abuse.htm

    ,...........................http://www.pamramsey.com/incest.htm

    THE SPIRIT CAN BE SELF LOATHING, SELF HATRED, WORTHLESS, ETC.............. TAKE YOUR PICK!

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:09 pm Agree: 2   Disagree: 3

    feet answer my post directed to you, you have avoided it every time.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 6:21 pm Agree: 8   Disagree: 5

    2 Tim. 3:1-4: "This know also, that in the last days...men shall be lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God."

    Why is the church more concerned with gratifying its flesh rather than crucifying it????!

    I know, I know...I'm just a "stick in the mud"..."I'm a prude"..."I'm a religious freak"... but what will YOU be promoting when Christ returns?

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:31 pm Agree: 8   Disagree: 3

    Hey feetxxxl

    You don't want God, that's your problem.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:29 pm Agree: 5   Disagree: 2

    feetxxxl

    Christians have answered your questions over and over again. You just don't want to hear because you love your sin more than you love God.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:51 pm Agree: 2   Disagree: 1

    akonda

    please read the entire comment.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:30 pm Agree: 4   Disagree: 1

    Hebrews 13:4
    Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

    Galatians 5: But IF ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall NOT inherit the kingdom of God.

    To be under grace doesnt mean we throw out everything. It only means that the law of God can condemn those who are in Christ no more. But because we have the law (moral) written in our hearts we do as is pleasing to the Lord.

    You asked - what is the spirit that motivates someone to have sex prior to marriage? - the spirit of disobedience and rebellion definitely NOT the Spirit of God.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:07 pm Agree: 2   Disagree: 1

    not one of you have answered my question?

    what is the spirit that motivates someone to have sex prior to marriage, in other words, what spirit is one "given over" to so that they would have sex prior to marriage( "given over" as depicited in romans 1), and what is the fruit of that spirit?

    jesus saying we will recognize them by their fruit.


    scripture is anything but clear about this subject. there is no clearly depicited behavior that is specied as a sin. there is merely the comparison of condition...........being married versus not being unmarried.

    and taking a word like "fornication" which was originally about sex with prostitutes and then traditionally adding a whole list prohibitions does not answer the questions about spirit. in fact what it does is put the cart before the horse.

    in other words, it becomes......... " because our understanding of the law says that sex prior to marriage is a sin, if we fish around long enough we probably will come up with something that resembles a sin"

    that is being led by the law.


    in christ we are not led by the law, but instead by the spirit.

    if there was a law that prohibited wearing bow ties while driving a car, and i asked what is the spirit of driving a car wearing bowtie, that doing so should make it illegal?

    the answer would not be the disobedience to the law by not obeying it.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:44 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 1

    heh feet....check out verses 8 & 9 of the scripture I posted. Paul tells us that if we burn for lust that we should be married. It's not out of guilt that they get married, as you previously mentioned. And divorces are a cause of the two not devoting themselves to God and each other, not because they were married just to have sex. If that was the only reason they were married then the marriage obviously a conjoinment by Satan, not God.

    The bible clearly states that sex outside of marriage is a sin. It doesn't mention any circumstances where it's ok just because the two will be married in the future. We cannot determine who we'll married to only God can, so we cannot make the decision for ourselves, regarding the future of the relationship, to have sex.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:43 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    If you really want to know God’s view of sex, and God’s plan for sexual intimacy in marriage, please do a Google search on “The Theology of The Body” Also pick up a copy of Christopher West’s book, “The Theology of The Body for Beginners”. The Theology of The Body is a series of writings by the late Pope John Paul II, and it’s the most interesting discussion I’ve ever read on this topic.
    To everyone reading this, May God bless and keep you Holy….<><…

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:27 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 1

    consider........................ that saying that scripture says that incest is a sin is putting incest, under the law. are we then to be led by it as well?

    paul says that we are not under the law, but grace, and are now led by the spirit.

    that being the case, what spirit motivates a person to have incest and what is the fruit of that spirit.

    I mean, if the couple does not have a baby and they love each other, where is the evil in this?

    (To all my Christian brothers and sisters, I am joking here, only trying to make a point to feet)

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:11 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    reedit............consider........................ that saying that scripture says that ALL sex outside of marriage

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:05 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    consider........................ that saying that scripture says that sex outside of marriage is a sin is putting premarital sex, under the law. are we then to be led by it as well?

    paul says that we are not under the law, but grace, and are now led by the spirit.

    that being the case, what spirit motivates a person to have sex prior to marriage and what is the fruit of that spirit.

    if we acknowledge that sexual intimacy in a bonded relationship expresses and affirms the devotion of that relationship, then it is good, whether married or not. are we to say that devotion is only allowed in marriage?

    if we say it is because of the possibility of children, do not those married have to be concerned with the possibility of children as well. are we saying that only single women are the ones who are getting abortions.

    if the fruit of the spirit that motivates one to have premaarital sex is greater devotion and commitment that possibly leads the couple to marriage how can we say that it is anything but good.

    acknowledging the guilt this prohibition has caused, and the marriages that have taken place, merely for the sake of the prohibition, i have to ask myself where is the good? how is it of the spirit we are to be led by?

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:10 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 1

    "I have yet to find scripture of Jesus or the apostles talking about "great sex"...seems to me, they were driven to preach repentance and point people to a life of love and obedience to the Lord."

    Look no further, godsfam, here's what Paul has to say about it:

    1 Corinthians 7:1-9
    1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life.[a] 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
    3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

    5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.

    8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:51 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 1

    godsfam

    sorry to say but people and opinions like you "We have become so far removed from what the church was originally designed to do. The lines between the church and the world have become so blurred" have been with us since the beginning of organized religion.

    religion should embrace life, which is God's gift to us. not an enforced introspection of death.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:35 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 1

    i love the way they walk thru the mine field of hot topics.

    for instance they dont say that sexual intimacy in a bonded relationship is an affirmation and an expression of the devotion of the relationship...............which it is.

    are not marriage counselors concerned with the frequency and satisfaction of sex.

    because the next question would be. i have a very devoted relationship why should i have to wait until im married.

    could it be that the percentages of divorce are the same for those married by the justice of the peace compared with those(churched) married in the church, because many marriages take place to avoid the guilt of sex outside of marriage.?

    the attitude, you need to get it in the marriage so you wont be tempted outside , is probably why there are so many divorces.

  • Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:47 am Agree: 4   Disagree: 0

    Human beings by God’s design are sexual creatures. Thus, the church can not ignore the sexual aspect of existence or the function of sex in marriage. Just think about it; if there was no pleasure in sex, why would individuals get married and have families? And without families how could humans create a peaceful and ordered society?

    God has not ignored the sexual aspect of humanity either, just read Song of Solomon.

  • Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:37 pm Agree: 3   Disagree: 0

    This is good. Only Satan would declare good is bad and correspondingly bad is good. Such as it is good to have sex with your several girlfriends but leave your wife alone. Baloney

    Meanwhile
    Passionate sex live inside a holy Christian marriage is absolutely fabulous. Mine especially :)
    But aside from that, most Americans are so puritan about sex and marriage. Why?
    The article said people carry a lot of guilt from parents who said sex is bad. I showed this article to my wife and she can not believe that American parents actually said it.

  • Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:26 pm Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    "Once regarded as a hush-hush topic in church, sex is increasingly being openly discussed and even promoted by an unlikely ally – Christian pastors. But this effort comes with strings attached – it’s only meant for married couples."

    Strings attached?
    I certainly hope this is for married couples only........but I suppose it needed mentioning.

    Keep up the good teaching.

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