Updated 04:40 pm.EST, Sat November 21, 2009

Ministries|Mon, Mar. 23 2009 03:13 PM EDT

Pastor Urges Christian Parents to Avoid 'Fortress Mentality'

By Kenneth Chan|Christian Post Correspondent

Throughout the world, there are believers spreading the light of Christ in the darkest areas.

And as Jesus had done, many are going out and reaching to those labeled by society as the worst of sinners.

No doubt, there are often risks involved – risks that missionaries, pastors, chaplains, evangelists, and even everyday Christians choose to take for the proclamation of the gospel.

But are they risks that their parents would be willing to allow them to take if the decision was up to them?

That will likely depend on what their age is and what types of risks are being discussed here.

At a recent gathering of more than 3,000 children’s ministry workers, Pastor Larry Shallenberger encountered some unexpected resistance when leading a workshop on cultural trends that affect children’s ministry.

“We talked about the risks of raising children who were serious about bringing Jesus to all the children in their classrooms,” Shallenberger reported on Friday, recalling the events from the day before.

“The concern was that if we teach our children to have concern for ‘bad kids’ and to befriend them that their character would suffer,” he recalled in his personal blog.

While Shallenberger, pastor of Next Generations Ministries at Grace Church in Erie, Penn., said he is aware that a verse in the book of Proverbs says bad company corrupts good character, he also notes that “the savior of our children dined with famous sinners.”

“If our children are to imitate Jesus they are going to need to learn how to enjoy the rough kids in their class without being changed by them,” he says.

The idea of allowing or even encouraging their children to befriend “bad kids,” however, will not likely sit well with many parents, especially parents of teenagers.

When asked to identify the most significant or challenging issues facing their teenagers, most parents participating in a 2007 Barna survey listed peer pressure (42 percent), followed by performance in school (16 percent) and substance abuse (16 percent). Among parents of younger children, peer pressure was the second most significant or challenging issue mentioned (24 percent). Topping the list for parents of children was school performance (26 percent).

Parents of teens especially have reason to worry considering that young adults under 25 were found by a Barna poll late last year to be more than twice as likely as all other adults to engage in behaviors considered morally inappropriate by traditional standards.

Furthermore, the percentage of young people plagued by peer pressure issues more than doubles once a child reaches high school, George Barna of the Barna Group noted in his analysis of the 2007 study.

When asked by one participant of last week’s workshop if parents could teach their children to love their classmates without being friends with them, Shallenberger said the answer, in one word, is “no.”

“I’m convinced that children’s pastors need to cast a vision to families to raise children willing to serve and love lost people,” says Shallenberger.

And for parents who are concerned that their children will pick up sins while engaging “moral misfits,” Shallenberger says the only safeguard parents can offer their children is love.

“If our children are passionate about loving God and loving their neighbor (all of them) they will less likely to contaminate themselves,” he argues.

Furthermore, there may be greater risks in keeping children inside a protective “fortress” rather than properly equipping them for life in the world.

“We ... build these walls in a sincere but misguided effort to protect our children,” Shallenberger says.

However, Shallenberger says life “inside the fortress” creates an “Us-Them game” and builds boredom, cynicism, and legalism in children.

“God has given us children to develop. We are to multiply their talents and passions,” he says, referring to the parable of talents told by Jesus to his disciples.

“We are to give them a passion for lost people. If we bury these young ‘talents’ in an effort to not lose them, even for the most noble of reasons, we become the evil and lazy servant,” Shallenberger adds.

In mulling the tension between protecting children and raising Christ followers, Shallenberger came up with seven initial thoughts.

• There are no guarantees in parenting. There are no formulas.
• God loves our children. He is not asking us to discard our own children to reach the lost.
• If we raise children to hide behind our “fortress” they will grow up living behind the fortress.
• If our children watch us repairing our walls by being judgmental and hypocritical, they will grow up to do the same thing.
• There is no way to eliminate risk in the parenting process. (I’m the father of three sons).
• We need to challenge our children at age appropriate levels. I’m NOT advocating tossing our kids to the wolves.
• We still don’t believe that the two Great Loves are among the “Fundamentals.”

Shallenberger’s workshop was one of 60 that were presented during the course of last week’s “Conspire” conference, hosted by the Willow Creek Association in South Barrington, Ill.

Children’s ministry leaders representing 1,000 churches of varying styles, sizes, and locations gathered for the Mar. 18-20 event, which has been held annually under different names since 2003.

This year’s conference was held just a week after a study released by The Barna Group revealed that less than one percent of the youngest adult generation in America, those between ages 18 and 23, has a biblical worldview.

Furthermore, a study last month by LifeWay Research found that the majority of parents (60 percent) heavily rely on their own experiences growing up for parenting guidance but only one-fifth say they receive a lot of guidance from sacred text such as the Bible or Koran.

“We believe that when the church and home are working together in partnership, a child will be spiritually formed for a lifetime,” organizers of “Conspire” say.

The conference’s name, “Conspire,” is the combination of the words “connect” and “inspire.”

Sort by: Newest | Oldest | Agree | Disagree
All comments on this page are subject to our Terms of Use and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Christian Post or its staff.
  • Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:15 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    I do agree that we are to be impacting those around us. There is discernment involved in this just like anything else. Some children are leaders, some are followers. You will have to be cautious with the followers, they could be easily swayed the other way. The leaders you turn them lose and back them up.

  • Thu Mar 26, 2009 6:55 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    If we've given our children the proper foundation, we should trust them to do the right thing. They will have to go out in the world eventually. Hiding reality from them is only postponing the inevitable test of Faith.

  • mike »
    Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:25 pm Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    fortress mentality? the books of matthew, mark, luke & john describes the 'fortress mentality' of the pharisees, & experts in the law. they have a one mind track of point & associating everything to sin. and when they were proven wrong & rebuked, they would start using names because they are insulted.
    and if it does exists, then it came from the messengers of god.

  • Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:43 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    My dad (who is a retired Bible college dean and ordained minister) held to the belief that we were to be "in the world and not of it". Therefore, it was God that is our fortress. I went to public school, had non-Christian friends and such. It actually fueled my Christian faith. Keeping the wind from fanning the flames only keeps the fire from spreading.

  • Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:32 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 1

    dgynm,

    I can specifically point out a few examples of children being victorious and being the light in the public school system. I know these kids on a personal and close level. One of these young people oercame a fater who even as a preacher and elder of the church has been off course for quite a few years now. This young man overcame both, brought Jesus to people and God has used Him mightily and visibly both in school and now as a Marine in Iraq.

    Your protestations that it cannot and is not done is false. Your thinking that the rest of us are dreamers and unrealistic is also just as false.

    As a homeschooler, I would love to agree with you in saying to everyone to homeschool their children but that is not possible, reasonable or prefereable for the child in a large percentage of cases. Each family is different, with different needs, different abilities, strenghts, weaknesses and maturity. A blanket declaration of "homeschool your children" or even the opposite is not helpful nor biblical. God has given me responsibility to teach my children of Him and His creation. If I choose to have someone else do so because of say my education level then it is probably the best choice for my child and it is between us and God-not you or anybody else.

    Grace and Peace,
    Jim

  • Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:42 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    No the schools lack the backbone (and the parents' support) for true discipline. If they did then the schools would be free of sexuality, overt consumerism, bullies and language that would make a sailor blush. No, I don't want to raise my child to be a good person only to have that torn down by the school's "culture".

    Taking religion out of it - schools would be better places if they could afford the best and brightest faculty (you know folks who would otherwise be able to be engineers, doctors, scientists - could go on to be well paid for being teachers). The current faculty is generally good but we could do better. for one I meet alot of faculty with a very loose understanding of technology.

    Next would be one school in each county where the bullies could be sent for a little more intensive form of "training". Those who could not be kind people could have daily boot camp routines mixed with academic instruction.

    Lastly more teachers per children so an atmosphere of learning would be fostered. I have a kid too embarrased to raise his hand and ask for help b/c some of the boys make fun of him for caring about school work.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:33 pm Agree: 7   Disagree: 7

    If you really think that children can and will overcome the ungodly public school system (AKA: prison system), then you must be dreaming. Jesus sent the Apostles out two by two (adults, mind you, NOT children). He also said that we were to make disciples of all nations (Adults, mind you, NOT children). Our children should be our disciples, and not the disciples of a "Youth leader," "Sunday School teacher," or "Pastor." The Parents are the only ones given this responsibility, and NOT the State or the organized church.

    C'mon...how many hours a week are kids in the public institutions compared to the little they get on Sunday morning? And how many "Christian" parents are true to the teaching of Deuteronomy to "...teach our children from morning until night?" Most of these parents are working and the kids come home with homework and then they're off the bed until the prison bus picks them up in the morning. I've heard this so often - "We don't have enough time, but I guess we'll trust the Lord." Trusting God is great, but there's personal responsibility in teaching our children.

    We need to be teaching our children the apologetics at home, and to train them up to be the disciples Christ called us to make them. Throwing them to the wolves and into a public institution where they are constantly barraged with indoctrination and brainwashing in sex, disobedience to parents, anti-Christian and secular worldviews, and thinking that a couple of Bible verses and a short prayer in the morning is going to overcome this Monolithic Monster - you gotta be kidding!!!

    The answer is, in my opinion, and in the Biblical tradition - school your children at home and outright reject the lack of any moral substance in the public institutions called Schools (prisons). This is our only hope!!!

    Come out from her, my people, and be separate saith the Lord!!! Are we heeding Scripture or the Cultural mandate of our society? Are we heeding Scripture or listening to the 90% of pastors out there who are advocating keeping your kids in these institutions - bastions of paganism?

    We need to follow the lead of Scripture - teach them at home, and if you can't, well, make the decision to do so, and alter your life accordingly. We eventually make the kind of decisions which are important to our families. If you believe the public indoctrination centers are important to your family, well...you need a grand dose of the Gospel in your life. Check your pulse - maybe you're not really the disciple you say you are.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:28 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 3

    v, God's Word says were to be in the world but not of the world, we need to be teaching our children both in word and in deed how to live lives that are pleasing to God so they can be a positive Christ-like testimony to their unsaved friends and schoolmates, but at the same time we need to remember they are children and not small adults so therefore we don't need to put adult Christian expectations on them.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 5:58 pm Agree: 1   Disagree: 0

    The only "back-up" needed for this approach is that our Savior befriended the "dirtbags" of society and that we are called to imitate God (and Jesus is God). There is much risk in this as with any ministry outside the church body (heck, it is risky inside the body too!) but it is a matter of balance and being grounded in Him. Of course there has to be a healthy balance with brothers and sisters being the backbone of the kid's relationships too.

    Grace and Peace,
    Jim

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 3:15 pm Agree: 1   Disagree: 1

    ..in the teen creed the caution reads..choose companions with care,for what they are,you may become!..this 'pastor' is not concerned with the welfare of these innocent children but in just being accepted by the ruling class as a good ole boy..with a rubber backbone tossed in to prove it!One is to avoid rubbing elbows with evil..for that serpent promises much joy and happiness and leaves broken promises and hearts instead.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:03 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 1

    Amongst the non-believers their will be temptation and curiosity,however those spreading the Word should be educated to be aware of the dangers. Remember, when spreading the Holy Word the person (even a cild) is filled with the Holy Spirit,remind them of that.
    You also must remember the children are innocent.
    They are going to be seen and remembered as the best messangers of God.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:30 am Agree: 0   Disagree: 1

    By the way to those that dont like my post: I want to wish you an earily MERRY CHRISTMAS and let you know that resurection Sunday is around the corner. Jesus Lives..hallaluya to the Lamb.

  • Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:11 am Agree: 1   Disagree: 2

    The bigest problem is the ungodly public school system. That the liberal teachers union run it. The school gets roughly like $5000 a year a head and for what? children with low grades , indoctrinated to have sex, disobey parents and antijudeo-christian theology. Thanks Goverment, thanks alot.

  • Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:33 pm Agree: 0   Disagree: 0

    Amen Pastor! But don't forget the only thing we do worse then reflecting the true image of Christ these days is preparing our children to do it. We have to do a much better job educating them in basic apologetics and world-views before sending them to the wolves. Knowledge won't save our kids but it can better prepare them for the conversations they will inevitably have.

Please help us to monitor our message boards by flagging comments that are unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable.
Contact Us if you have any questions, comments, or concerns.
Comment on this story
ID Password

Don't have a Christian Post ID? Signing up is easy. Click Here

  • icon1
  • icon2
  • icon3
  • icon4
  • icon5
The Christian Post reserves the right to terminate the account of any User who violates our Terms of Use.
Also on CP
Advertisement
Advertisement
CP Shopping
  • Jewelry
  • Health
  • Gifts
  • Church
  • Coins

Bracelets | Chains | Crosses | Earrings | Gemstone |

Featured contents & Giveaways
Joolwe :
Cross-pendant necklace
Bethany House Publishers

It was a balmy California evening. I had gone for a jog before I was to speak at a leadership conference. I still can't recall how I got there, but I found myself sitting on a curb

Featured Advertiser Links