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TechnoratiIn my last commentary, I argued that the prevailing lack of distinction between Christian and non-Christian marriage serves as a barometer indicating a serious lack of spiritual depth and theological understanding within the American church.
Reaction to this article overwhelmingly confirmed this suspicion. That is not a condemnation of those so afflicted, but rather an indictment of those who have been called to teach and lead them. Clearly we have failed to make disciples who know their God, his Word, and themselves to such a degree that they are able to navigate the challenges of life from a consciously biblical worldview.
To all of you who responded with your particular situations and generously shared your very personal and painful struggles, I do not, in any way, mean to minimize the depth of your suffering and sorrow as you endure what are clearly difficult marital situations. I have been struck with grief by the accounts of so many families suffering through severe pain and heartbreak. Sadly, so much of this suffering is attributable to unbiblical decisions, including those made prior to marriage, such as being unequally yoked. There are misguided expectations in which one spouse seeks from another that which only Christ can provide, not realizing that this is a form of idolatry. And, of course, there are the false expectations that being Christian will somehow insulate you from trial and tribulation.
I received hundreds of responses to my “Jerk” article that began with every form of qualifying statement imaginable. In an effort to justify their desire for or choice to divorce, many wrote things like, “What if my husband…”; “But my wife doesn’t…”; or “I can’t believe my God wouldn’t want me to be happy…”; and on and on. This personal, almost Gnostic god drawn from their own wants and desires rather than Scripture was particularly troubling; this attitude can serve to justify just about anything we feel or want to do.
There were also many who were desperately seeking answers to questions related to complex relational issues such as spiritual, emotional and financial abandonment; adultery; sexual addictions; abuse; and many more. I corresponded with many of these dear brothers and sisters and in so many cases the local church was completely uninvolved. This seemed more common than I would have ever imagined. Too many churches and leaders, it seems, are disengaged from the spiritual warfare raging through families in the church. In many instances, it was clear that church leaders were simply out of their depth, lacking the biblical knowledge and skill necessary to intervene and counsel these families through their crises. Marriages within the church are under attack and yet too many of us seem to stand by, concerned no doubt, but basically doing nothing!
I only heard from one person out of these hundreds who indicated that any kind of biblical church discipline was undertaken in her situation. In most cases, the offending spouses (professing Christians, mind you!) were never even confronted. The church simply wasn’t involved. I was also shocked to hear from wives of pastors, men who simply abandoned their marriages. In essence, sin is being allowed to reign unchecked in the church-and we wonder why Christianity has become marginalized in America!
Granted, there are good pastors and leaders that still take sin seriously; they understand the nature of spiritual warfare that Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6 and that such warfare occurs within the home. Thus they take their stand in defense of these families working tirelessly toward reconciliation through the mess that sin creates. These pastors are able to recognize the schemes of the devil who comes to destroy that which God has created, including the family. May there be more of these and less of the former!Continue »
S. Michael Craven is the President of the Center for Christ & Culture. Michael is the author of Uncompromised Faith: Overcoming Our Culturalized Christianity (Navpress). Michael's ministry is dedicated to renewal within the Church and works to equip Christians with an intelligent and thoroughly Christian approach to matters of culture in order to demonstrate the relevance of Christianity to all of life. For more information on the Center for Christ & Culture, visit: www.battlefortruth.org. Michael lives in the Dallas area with his wife Carol and their three children.
