Sara Gabrielle Devenish went home to Jesus sometime in the early morning hours today. It was in her sleep and it was peaceful.14 comments
There's been tension in my family starting 17 years ago, with this horrible disease named anorexia. It's unpredictable, sneaky, malicious, deceptive. I know the pain and hurt it's caused emotionally and psychologically, and I know I can never erase those scars.
Where do you want me to go God? Where do you want me to be? I long to rejoice at the feet of thee, to bask in thy radiance.5 comments
Lately I've seemed very mopey and less likely to turn to God but to others in my seemingly uncontrollable thoughts. A few praises, first: I can type and read and focus at certain periods of the day, I have a lot of friends praying for me, and I've gotten back in touch with old time friends.6 comments
The past few weeks have been fraught with more signs and symptoms of declining health, plus a few seizures. Some of the worst losses are my motor skills, my ability to read and write and problems actually focusing.6 comments
Lately, I've been having the worst trouble sleeping. It was frustrating at first, but then I remembered something my mom told me a while back. Every time she had a night of not sleeping well, each time she would wake up, she would pray for someone, and then she could return to sleep.
I've been discovering what King Solomon felt like when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Meaningless, meaningless, everything (on earth) is meaningless.3 comments
Despite all the praise I've been receiving for being so strong, I really am weak. The only strength I have right now is through my Savior, as days like today, my human body is just a shaky, weeping mess.1 comments
"It's a role reversal. You're teaching me. You're teaching me ... how to die."
Sundays are usually hard for me. No nurses or visitors come and my family is usually away. On a day that used to be full of Christian fellowship, I'm often left feeling lonely.
I was also very frustrated and angry with my mental decline. I used to be so intelligent and creative. Now my short-term memory is shot and I can only concentrate on something for a short period of time. I used to have a huge vocabulary and was so articulate. Now when I speak to people, I mix up words, forget words and drift off a lot. Basically, I feel dumb compared to the girl I once was.2 comments
Wow, God really showed me that I myself was beginning to get self-centered, wrapped up in my own head, thinking only of how awful I felt and how lonely I was. God really convicted me with that Facebook message, and I remembered in times of trouble, it's always good to look to God and then seek good company.1 comments
After suffering yet ANOTHER small seizure yesterday (and throwing up all over the outside of my friend's car – so embarrassing!) this especially hit home today. I was internally bemoaning all my physical weaknesses and ailments, but after singing that song (guess God wanted me to hear Rock of Ages, not Nick!) I was again reminded of my Rock, my firm foundation, and my hope for "worlds unknown": eternity with my Lord!
So the last seizure left me with fewer brain cells or something, but I can't focus enough to read much or write much without stopping, starting, stopping. I was afraid to write a journal entry yesterday because this is a new thing to me. Reading and writing – the two loves of my life, the two things that used to come so easily to me – are so hard now.
This past hospital visit (Jan. 3-7), I was told that I am expected to live less than a year, maybe 6 months. I was released from the hospital to home hospice, where I do not intend to die, but to live my life as fully as possible for as long as it may be.5 comments