The Christian Post recently sat down with mother and author Arlene Pellicane to discuss her new book "31 Days to a Happy Husband," where she lends advice to women on how to make husbands happy by serving Christ first in their marriage.
Pellicane states that all women can make their dreams of a perfect marriage come true if wives would submit to their husband's and "trust in God that he would work in the heart of your husband."
At first, one may be distracted over the use of the word submit, especially given that in the current era equality is stressed greatly, and rightly so. Yet, Pellicane- while insisting that both men and women are equal in just about everything- concedes that when it comes to marriage, God intended specific roles to be observed by both partners.
For Pellicane, who is a mother of three and a happy wife for the last 13 years, she uses the word submit not in the archaic and dominating sense of the word, but rather as a way to show the benefit of submitting to a husband's leadership and trusting in him without fail.
She offers a resource for wives to attain this end and it all starts with a dream. For Pellicane, she has noticed that there are certain things that a woman can do for their husband that will lead to a state of pure joy and excitement and bring both partners closer to Christ.
The first is to have what she calls domestic tranquility. This simply means providing a calm home in order to have a place to step into as a way to get away from the stresses of everyday life.
The second aspect is to respect the husband. A husband's ego and self-confidence can be severely impeded if he feels that he is not respected by his partner in the most intimate of settings, which would create a sense of resentment and feelings of being unappreciated.
The third is eros. This deals with maintaining a happy and healthy sex life. This simply does not mean to be on constant call to satisfy one's husband, but that both partners can benefit from fulfilling sex life.
The fourth is attraction. A wife needs to be attractive to her husband in order to keep a husband desiring his wife, and as Pellicane explains it, this shows the level of commitment that a wife has to the marriage.
The fifth aspect of a happy marriage is to have mutual activities. This should be an extensive list in order provide for growth within a relationship. Both partners need to enjoy things together as a way to accomplish a task as a unit and not as individuals.
Pellicane believes that the key to a happy marriage involves these five things. Above all else, these aspects require a certain level of trust in the Lord in order to allow for growth within the marriage. She does state that should the Lord be vacant in a relationship, the exuberance that can be produced from a happy marriage will be snuffed out and replaced with an individualistic attitude towards their partner. This is produced when the marriage is dominated by feelings of reciprocity by both or one partners when one acts to fulfill selfish desires.
The problem with expecting something in return for every action is that it leaves a person vulnerable to be disappointed when enough acknowledgement isn't given.
Pellicane advised that in order to avoid this occurrence, wives should put their expectation in the Lord, because a wife's first priority is to reflect "Christ in her marriage." When she does just that, a husband will be satisfied, and ultimately, so will his wife.