#3 – Refusal to Change
A person who is absolutely convinced that they have nothing at all to change in their marriage is a person who is obsessed with making their marriage fail.
I am not the same person I am when Lucretia and I first got married in 2000. He has had to do a work in me (and currently still IS!)
A quick word to singles, WHEN you marry someone you need to understand that you are marrying them “as is,” and that change is NOT guaranteed. (I’ve seen SO many marriages go bad because someone, usually the female, compromised core convictions because she was absolutely convinced she could “change him.”) Seriously, you need to be ready to spend the rest of your life with them they way they are…and if you are not then DON’T GET MARRIED.
However, in this point I am not talking about their refusal to change. You can’t do anything about that…I am taking about your refusal to change, to not deal with the issues the Lord is making so obvious to you either because of pride, fear or insecurity.
I am not the man I need to be when it comes to being Lucretia’s husband…but thank God I am not the man I was when I married her. He has (and is) changing me, it hasn’t been easy…but submitting to the work He wants to do in me has definitely made me a better husband.
#4 – Refusal to Learn
Marriage is something that you think you know a lot about…until you actually get married and many of the previous theories you held near and dear to your head go flying out the window.
Anytime one sinner marries another sinner…there will be “issues!” (And PLEASE don’t tell me how it could not work out because you are so “different!” OF COURSE you are different…one of you is male and the other is female…the last time I checked that is pretty much different!)
We can’t STOP learning when we get married; in fact, when we say “I do” we are saying I do to a learning process that will take place until the time we see Jesus. We’ve got to be learners if we want our marriages to succeed.
AND…I’m not talking about learning in regards to what pop psychology says about marriage. What does God’s Word say about it? After all, He is THE ONE who made mankind aware of HIS IDEA to begin with! (BTW…here is the link to our series we did back in the fall called Man versus Wife if you are looking for some practical, biblical teaching.)
AND, not only do we need to be students of the Word…we also need to be students of our spouse. One of the reasons marriages are in so much trouble is because men can rattle off sports statistics like nobody’s business and women can tell you about the latest Hollywood gossip but then neither one can tell you three things that their spouse would say significantly impacted them as a child, or what their spouse wanted to be when they grew up or even what their spouse fears the most.
When a couple is committed to learning about one another then it becomes very difficult to get bored with each other!!!
Marriage is God’s idea…it CAN and SHOULD work, we should THRIVE in marriage, not just merely survive it. And…we can when we ask for help, deal with our own “junk,” change what needs to be changed and become students of God’s institution of marriage.