Siblings of Disabled Kids Need Help Too
When special needs ministry volunteers find out that I have a sibling with a disability they often ask me all sorts of questions about what life is like for a typical sibling and how they can minister to the ones in their church.
I love conversations like this! It lets me know that there are volunteers out there that not only care for the child with a disability, but they also see that there is a typical sibling that needs love and support.
I recently spoke with a volunteer who said, "I ask the parent about their typical children and how they are doing. The parent always replies with 'they are okay' or 'they are fine.'"
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The conversation typically ends there. For more reasons than I will share in this post, those answers rub me the wrong way.
Please understand — I do believe that typical siblings are okay most of the time. But as a typical sibling, there are times where I have not been okay. And I have kept a mask on long enough to fool even those closest to me, including my parents.
As a typical sibling I am good at making sure I am okay and everyone else around me is okay. I consider that part of my role within the family. Growing up, I could generally sense when my parents needed to spend more time with my brother than they could with me. I would soldier through each situation figuring things out on my own.
I truly was okay.
There were some days though when I was not. It would have been so nice to have someone reach out to me just to let me know that they cared. It would have been nice to have a volunteer at church take the time to listen to me, encourage me and let me know they were praying for me.
It can be hard as a child or teenager to find an adult that you can trust and confide in. This is probably not news to most parents, but your kids and teens might not tell you everything about what is going on with them. Even if they say they are fine, they will probably have times where they are just not okay.
Allow me to share an insight from the heart of a typical sibling: typical siblings often feel that their parents have enough to worry about with the sibling that has the disability; it is just better to not talk about what is going on in their own lives.
So, what should we do for typical siblings?
It does not take much to show them that they are valued and their needs are important. If you are a parent and a volunteer asks about your typical child, I encourage you to connect your child with that volunteer. There is a reason they are asking. You never know, that volunteer could have a sibling with a disability and can relate to what your typical child is feeling.
If you are a volunteer, continue to ask parents about their typical children. Even if parents continually respond with "they are okay" or "they are fine," please do not give up! Take time to acknowledge the typical sibling with a smile or handshake each time you see them. This small act can mean more than you know and can help a typical sibling truly be okay.
Originally posted at irresistiblechurch.org.
