(Photo: Desiring God)
Christian worship leader Christy Nockels and her husband Nathan experienced two back-to-back miscarriages, and though painful, both physically and emotionally, that wasn't without God's blessings and it brought about a new realization that stays with her even today.
"In 1999 and 2000, Nathan and I experienced two miscarriages pretty much back to back, about seven or eight months apart," says Christy in a new video on the Desiring God ministry's website. "Of course it was our first try at having children, and there's a lot of fear that starts to come around that, because you think if there's something wrong with my body… am I ever going to be able to have kids."
The video has been posted as an example of what preacher and author John Piper shared in his latest message on "indomitable joy in Jesus in the very midst of suffering and sorrow."
"The first miscarriage was physically painful, the second we just kind of had to wait it out and see," the Texas-born musician said. However, God not only gave her healing, but also a precious realization.
"In remembering it, it's been so good for me to sort of relive that in a way of realizing that He really entrusts you with the suffering so that you can later share Him," Christy said. "I think that has been a beautiful part of realizing what that season was for. Had I never experienced that, I would never have been able to comfort others in the way I have been able to comfort them because of how God comforted me through that, and how the body of Christ came around us in that time."
Christy recalled when she learned she was pregnant with their first child, Noah, who is now 12 years old, she was driving her car. Christy and Nathan were at the time recording a song called, "Glory Baby," which she started writing after the first miscarriage, but could go only as far as the first line, which read, "Glory Baby, you slipped away as fast as we could say baby." But God helped her continue writing the song after the second miscarriage, and finish it after a time of healing.
Christy says she went ahead with the recording, thinking whether she ever has kids or not, the song is part of her healing and can become part of others' healing as well. While driving that day, she thought, "God I trust that you are bigger and you're greater than anything I could long for, even a child ... I have to trust you ... that you know what's best for me, and you are holding all my desires in your hands ... For some reason in my heart, I just knew God was going to give us this child to hold."
The singer/songwriter still prayed that day, "God, you can have this one, too, if it brings you more glory ... God, I realize that you are greater joy than anything I can hope for." Even that prayer, she said, she could pray because of His grace. She said she had to lay down her desire for having a baby, as she realized that He's "better than what we can desire on earth."
Christy met Nathan Nockels in 1993 at the Christian Artists Seminar in Colorado. After getting married in 1995, they began serving as worship leaders in their local church in Oklahoma City. They also began writing songs together and released an album in 1996. Later, they did recordings under the name of Watermark until 2006.
In 2008, they moved to Atlanta, Ga., where they helped found Passion City Church with Louie Giglio, and signed with Sixsteps Records. Christy released her first solo album, Life Light Up,, in 2009. In April 2012 she released her second solo album, Into the Glorious.
Christy and Nathan have three children, but they know that God is still the greatest joy of her life, she said.