One month after California pastor Jarrid Wilson tragically took his own life, his wife Juli shared her hope of Heaven and said that while the pain of her husband’s death “digs deep,” she will continue to “finish our mission here on earth.”
In an Instagram post Monday, Juli shared a photo from her wedding day and reflected on the whirlwind romance she experienced with Jarrid, who took his life in September after a long battle with depression at just 30 years old.
“It took 2 dates for you to tell me you loved me, and a month for you to get everything lined up to move from CA to TN to marry me. You always, always knew what you wanted, and I always, always knew you wanted me,” she wrote.
“Time is so much slower now without you here,” Juli continued. “Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and now a month goes by and I feel as if I’m staring at sand dripping through an hourglass. The thoughts are never-ending. The pain digs deep. I’ve never had more questions about anything in my life, and that’s mostly because you always had an answer for everything I needed to know. I so wish I could just talk to you right now to clear things up.”
Time is “one of the hardest parts of grief for me,” Juli said, adding: “Every second I’m further from you here on earth, yet closer to being in heaven with you. The in-between is a tough place to be. I find myself staring at our boys wondering how in the world I’m supposed to do this on my own forever. You were so good at this. You were so good at everything.”
Juli admitted she’s “conflicted, confused, hurting” in the wake of her husband’s death, but also “full of hope knowing that God will wipe every tear and right every wrong.”
“Life really is just a vapor, yours just happened to be the sweetest one, so this hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt,” she said.
Jarrid Wilson was an associate pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, California. The church was founded in 1973 by pastor Greg Laurie.
Shortly before his death, the husband and father-of-two started the #GreatJoys movement, encouraging those who chose life for their children instead of abortion to share photos of their kids on social media.
Additionally, the pastor was the co-founder of Anthem of Hope, which he established alongside Juli in 2016. The nonprofit organization is centered on offering “hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction, and suicide.”
Anthem of Hope also offers access to free, downloadable e-books regarding mental health, and can assist in helping connect people to qualified faith-based counselors in their areas.
Concluding her post, Juli declared she is “not backing down” and will run “the race full force.”
“With tears in my eyes and hope in my heart I will continue to tell every single person I meet about the love and joy of Jesus,” she said. “I’ll finish our mission here on earth, although I will forever miss doing it hand in hand with you. And hey, just be ready for me once I meet you again. I’m gonna need a really, really big Jarrid hug. I love you.”
Juli’s latest Instagram post was met with an outpouring of support from the Christian community.
Actress Roma Downey simply posted a heart and dove emoji, while Life.Church pastor Craig Goreschel shared an emoji of praying hands.
Greg Laurie wrote, “Such powerful words, Juli. We love you and the boys.”
Since Jarrid’s death, Juli has used social media to remember her late husband. Previously, she revealed that Finch, one of the couple’s two boys, has been “asking so many questions about heaven” since his father’s passing.
“I have to say, it has been beyond beautiful to watch him try to wrap his mind around it all,” she captioned an earlier Instagram post. “He knows it’s a happy place, where no one is sick or sad, and he told me it sounds like a really nice place to play at.”
Juli added that her son asks often “when we can take an airplane to visit,” but makes sure mom knows he needs to be home in time to go to school.
“He believes heaven is real, even though he says he can’t see it past the clouds,” she wrote. “Jesus was on to something when he said to have faith like a child. It’s pure and unmatched. It’s the kind of faith that doesn’t require proof, just a bunch of trust, just like the kind Finch has.”