Though no one can guarantee them, they happen quite often. Marriages beyond hope by any reasonable standard turn around, become stable, and grow into a wonderful relationship. Though nearly everyone, especially the couple involved, thought it impossible, war evolves into peace and rage turns into romance.
Of one couple in their 40's a friend said, "No one in this country believes their marriage can be saved. He's in love with another woman. That affair started as revenge for his wife's one-night-stand, and now he's head over heels for the new person. It's done for." It took some work, lots of prayer, and a bit of help, but they saved the marriage. Not only are they deeply in love with each other now, they also teach other couples how to help marriages become strong so that they do not get into trouble.
A wife stated, "I'm done. He's controlled me, treated me with disrespect, and dominated my life for way too long. I put up with it for the sake of the children, but now they're gone and so am I. The jerk can live the rest of his life and die alone. I don't care any longer." Nevertheless, to feel that she had done everything she should, she went with him through a three-day process for marriages in crisis. Two years later she smiles, "He changed. I'd never have believed it could happen, but he did. I have, too. I can see now that though the way he treated me was rotten, I often gave as good as I got. No major problems now. We're in love. For a lifetime."
A husband shared, "My wife is pregnant with her lover's baby. My family is disgusted and demanding that I divorce her and never look back. I don't know that I could ever forgive her." That was five years ago. They are still married. They kept the baby, and he loves it as his own. He also loves his wife. Deeply. She loves him. Deeply. He defied his family to work it out with his wife, but adamantly declares that he is glad he did. There were bumps along the road, but the success is sweet to all three of them, husband, wife, and child.
A wife confessed, "I don't know why my husband is still with me. Our sex life is horrible. Sometimes I can't stand him even touching me, and we've fought about that for years. At times, I want him close. At other times, I want to be alone. He never knows if he's coming home to the loving, warm wife or the shrew. Finally, I broke down and told him about what happened to me when I was a child. My father said he chose me for his actions over my sisters because I was the 'pretty one.' I think we'd both be better off if we just divorce so he can have the wife he deserves. I can't." He loved her and wanted to do whatever it took to help her heal from her dreadful past. First, they dealt with the way the communicated, and then they got the help she needed. Their life today is loving, warm, and, yes, sexually fulfilling. Another marriage miracle.
The stories could go on. Except for minor changes to protect identity, they happened as described. In just the two months prior to penning this, I witnessed over forty couples on the brink of divorce…many with the divorce papers already filed…come back from the brink and start on the path to a healthy relationship.
How do these miracles happen?
They begin with a concentrated three-day workshop. Couples from around the USA (and sometimes from around the world) come together for a marriage intensive called Marriage Helper. Since 1999, our success rate is three out of four couples saving their marriages and going on to be in love again.
They continue for a lifetime.