How's about some commie ketchup on that burger? It's extra red. A little Marxist mustard for your dog? What about a pinch of socialist sauerkraut on that bubbling bratwurst?
Didn't you know? That's why you get the day off on Monday. That's what your Labor Day barbecue commemorates: socialism. Delicious, juicy, smoky socialism with a side of potato salad (German, of course) and a game of Cornhole (everyone's a winner!) — frills made affordable to Americans, American businesses and big government waste-fraud-and-abuse mills by, well, capitalism.
I know, I'm a killjoy, and, call me a hypocrite, but I'm grilling out Monday anyway. Still, fellas, while you're sweating over that sizzling Weber this three-day weekend, just be sure to tip a stein to old Karl, Vladimir and Josef. Without those genocidal schmendricks, you'd be stuck in your cubical Monday, just like every other day, playing Candy Crush and checking fantasy football.
Just yankin' your chain. I'm sure you're a hard worker, and, I mean, isn't that really what Labor Day is all about? Hard work?
Actually, no. Not at all. Hard work has nothing to do with it. Labor Day is about "labor," and "labor," since the 19th century at least, has been, and yet remains, one of the primary "progressive" euphemisms exploited by leftists (aka, Democrats) to further the redistributionist goals of the global socialist movement.
Ah, Labor Day: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need!" "Workers of the world unite!"
And don't forget to "look for the union label."
No, I'm not being paranoid. The history of Labor Day is fascinating. And it really is rooted, 100 percent, in socialism.
In 1882 a couple of socialist cats named Matthew Maguire and Peter McGuire, both members of the Socialist Labor Party, proposed an official workers' holiday in New York to be called "Labor Day." Both men were also active in their respective labor unions, with Maguire belonging to the International Association of Machinists and Peter McGuire general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and co-founder of the American Federation of Labor. (Busy little pinkos, weren't they?)
While historians differ over which man was principally responsible, our Marxist friends nonetheless had success, and on Sept. 5 of that very year, 1882, the United States saw its first official socialist Labor Day celebrated in New York City.
As the popularity of New York's Labor Day gained momentum in urban centers across the U.S., President Grover Cleveland (yes, a Democrat) signed legislation in June of 1894 declaring Labor Day a national holiday to be held, like New York's own, the first Monday of every September.
He was not re-elected.
Whereas the rest of the socialist world celebrates Labor Day on May 1 (May Day), America has always marched to the beat of a different drummer. And so we, a nation made both the greatest and wealthiest in all of history through the free-market principles of capitalism — heretofore reasonably regulated, but, alas, regulated to death under our current administration — give our little nod to Karl Marx on the last day of summer (appropriate, I think, as wherever there is socialism, the fall is not far behind).
Belong to a labor union? Bully for you. As Marxist.com, a popular pro-socialism website, observes: "Labor Day, also has a militant tradition and an origin within the U.S. labor movement itself. … The September holiday was conceived of and celebrated by socialists and militants within the labor movement, and we should remember and reclaim this history."
And so, as we enjoy friends, family, food and fun this extended Labor Day weekend, let's heed the advice of Marxist.com and remember that this particular holiday — this "workers' paradise" for a day — was "conceived of and celebrated by socialists and militants within the labor movement."
A socialist movement, mind you, that thrives from within the freest nation on earth (for now at least) — a nation made great, in large part, by the very capitalism unions, and the Democrats they fund, so hate, and desperately seek to destroy.