Legendary Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman says he's discovered that despite his need to fix everything, it's his brokenness that always leads him back to God.
For the first time in his 30-year career, Chapman shared his personal journey, family life, and stories behind his music in his memoir, Between Heaven & the Real World. Chapman says the book forced him to delve into his past and uncover some things about himself.
"Tracing the steps of my life in this book was really a powerful thing for me because I learned not only so many places where God's been so faithful, but even some of the brokenness in my own life and my own story," he said during a guest appearance at Oak Hill Church in San Antonio, Texas, on March 26.
The award-winning, multi-platinum-selling artist revealed that he was brought into the world by his parents as a way to "fix" their marriage.
"I came on a white horse to save the day. I was a very compliant child and that was my role — fix what was broken in my parents' lives and in the world around me," he said.
As he grew older, however, he came to the conclusion that there were some things he could not repair.
"Particularly when I met my bride, Mary Beth, 32 years ago when we began our journey together of marriage — that was really the first real realization of, 'I'm a lot more broken and I'm now married to this beautiful but broken person and I have this need and desire that I'm supposed to fix what's broken and I can't fix this,'" the 54 year old confessed.
The couple now have a large family of their own, but their world came crashing down when they were faced with an unthinkable tragedy. On May 21, 2008, Chapman's 5-year-old daughter, Maria Sue Chapman, was accidentally hit by a car driven by Chapman's son, Will Franklin, after she ran into the driveway of their house as he was backing up his SUV. Maria later died at a Nashville hospital.
Now eight years later, Chapman went on to tell Oak Hill Pastor Randy Frazee that if he scripted out his own life like he once thought he could, he would have removed all of the heart ache and pain. Instead, God used all the brokenness he's faced to bring him closer to Himself.
"Every time I've encountered unfixable things on this side of Heaven where I've had to say, 'God, I can't do this, I can't fix this, [so] Ima (sic) have to trust you and Ima have to rest in you, and run to you over and over in my journey,'" the Nashville native said.
Although he's the most-awarded artist in Christian music history and has had his share of great fortune, he stressed that he will always need a Savior because there are just some things he cannot fix on his own.
"It was an amazing thing to look back and realize all of the things that If I would have fixed those, then I wouldn't have experienced God in the really profound ways that I have," he said.
For more information on Chapman's memoir, Between Heaven & the Real World, click here.