Juli Wilson, wife of late associate pastor at Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, California, Jarrid Wilson, says she intends to keep championing suicide prevention despite her husband taking his own life on Monday.
The late pastor who was just 30 when he chose to end his life after a lifelong battle with depression and anxiety, was relentless in his suicide prevention advocacy through an organization called Anthem of Hope that he founded with Juli in 2016.
Their “faith-centered” effort sought to amplify hope for those like the pastor who are “battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction and suicide.”
In an Instagram post on Thursday, Juli explained that even though she is heartbroken by the loss of her husband, she is at peace knowing that he is resting with God now.
“You’re in the safest arms, my sweet jarrid. I am confused, completely heartbroken and jealous that you are face to face with our savior all in one. You are in HIS presence. What a glorious day that will be when we are all reunited at his feet together. Until then, he is holding on tight to the boys and I during these horribly dark days,” she wrote.
“I have such a deep peace knowing he’s holding your hand right now too. I love you so much, babe. I miss you beyond words. I will continue to shout your anthem of hope until my very last breath,” she added, referencing the suicide prevention project.
The couple, who were both very public about living with the pastor’s depression, also discussed how challenging their life was at times.
Just over two week before her husband took his life, Juli expressed in another Instagram post on Aug. 27 that she would sometimes tell him to “get over it” and said there were times in their marriage when divorce would have been the easier route.
“I love this dude. But you know what? It’s not always easy loving him. Why? Because I’m human, and loving someone more than myself doesn’t come easily. I can feel my sin nature rub up against all that God has taught me and there’s a friction between the two: between who I am naturally and who I long to be spiritually,” Juli wrote.
“Jare publicly struggles with depression and anxiety, and I sometimes struggle with adding to it by telling him to just ‘get over it’ (yes, I know there’s no such thing), but ya know, I’m human. And selfish. And so in need of the grace that I so often withhold from this man,” she continued. “@jarridwilson and I have been faced with tough conversations, hard situations and moments where throwing in the towel would be a lot easier than cleaning up the mess that found its way into our relationship.”
She explained, however, that they chose to trust God instead.
“I don’t know why I’m sharing this, really, except to just remind you that we all deal with stuff that others don’t really know about. There’s tears we cry that no human will ever see. Prayers we pray that seem to go unheard. Feelings that try to drown out the truth that God has so clearly shown us.
"This is where God comes in. He’s there. He’s listening. He sees the tears. He feels the pain. He longs to comfort you,” she added.
Reacting to the post, her late husband wrote: “I frieking love you so much, and only an idiot would throw in the towel on you. Honored to do life with you, and so thankful for the journey! You’re my best friend and I love this crazy journey we’re on together. I love you!!!!”