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Being Honest in the Face of Comparison

Staring too long at the success of someone else can make us miss our own satisfaction with life.
Credit : What makes you happy?
What makes you happy?

I spent the first few years of my childhood in the small town of Coolidge, Arizona, about halfway between Phoenix and Tucson. My family was by no means well-off. We always seemed to have just enough to get by. Rarely was there room in our budget for extras, like the pair of black and white saddle shoes I desperately wanted. Do you remember those? They were calling my name in 1985.

My dad was the high school football coach, so I spent a lot of Friday nights with my mom and brother in the bleachers. The game itself was anything but thrilling to me, but I didn't mind going because it meant I'd be able to watch the cheerleaders. That was exciting!

I dreamed of the day when I, too, might hopefully be out there in a pleated skirt with pom-poms, making the crowd roar with enthusiasm for our team. The cheerleaders must have known how much I looked up to them because in the middle of one football season, they invited my best friend and me to come cheer with them at an upcoming game.

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Our elementary schoolgirl excitement was out of control. High school cheerleaders?! YES! We practiced in the backyard every chance we could get leading up to the game. One afternoon, we even put on our homemade uniforms.

But my zeal for this opportunity quickly faded that day as I looked down at my friend's feet. She was wearing a pair of brand new, shiny, black and white saddle shoes. The same kind the high school cheerleaders wore. My thoughts screamed silently with envy: What? Where did she get those? I need a pair too!

I went to my mom later that night and pleaded for saddle shoes, knowing full well our bank account didn't match my begging. No matter what I said, it didn't matter. We didn't have the money.

Must be nice, though, being a girl in a family who did.

But this event in my life, especially as I look back on it, helped me discover something about comparison that stuck with me. Honesty teaches us to stop fearing what we don't have so we can see what we do.

Right before that big football game, my mom actually did find a pair of black and white saddle shoes I could borrow from someone else. No, they weren't shiny and new like my friend's were. In fact, they were pretty scuffed up and a little tight on my feet. But even though they were obviously not as nice—not as beautiful, to use Rachel and Leah's comparison word (see Genesis 29 for their story)—I was thrilled with them. I took pride in them. I loved them.

I mean, sure, every time I looked at my BFF in her saddle shoes, I felt a little stab of jealousy and discontent. But there were no new saddle shoes coming to me. I knew that. And by accepting the shoes I had, I was able to get honest with myself about it. To be okay with it. I decided I didn't want my envy to ruin the excitement of this opportunity.

Honesty about the source of our comparison issues can lead us toward being hopeful again. Admitting the situations we face each day that try to make us feel less-than is an important first step—recognizing them as soon as possible, calling them out before they takes root and spiral into a lifestyle. Being honest enough to call out comparison the moment it happens will help us regain our control of it.

Maybe you don't desire to be the number-one person in your company. Maybe you don't care if your house looks anything like a Pinterest picture. Maybe things like college educations don't really faze you. But something does. Some sour reality that makes you feel like you're not measuring up. And until you get honest about it, you won't be able to conquer it.

For Leah, it was this situation with Rachel and Jacob—the latest blow in a lifelong comparison struggle with her sister. For you, it's yours. For me, it's mine. And when I think about these struggles in my own life, and what it means to be honest about them, God often takes me back to this verse:

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to somebody else. (Gal. 6:4 NIV)

Comparison can sneak into my heart no matter how strong my level of gratefulness and awareness. But by taking the time to recognize and thank God for the blessings He puts into my life each day—by taking a good, holy, healthy kind of pride in my current situation—I'm much more able to stay honest and content with who I am and who I'm not. Staring too long at the success of someone else can make us miss our own satisfaction with life.

And there's simply too much that's beautiful about you and me to lose it all on her.

Excerpted with permission from Why Her? 6 Truths We Need To Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind by Nicki Koziarz. Copyright 2018, B&H Publishing Group

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