Half of people in their 20s say marriage isn’t necessary to validate love or commitment in a long-term relationship, a new online poll found.
Overall, 44 percent of the 7,113 Americans aged 20 to 69 who participated in the poll by Zogby International and AOL Personals shared that sentiment.
"Across all age groups, you just don't need a marriage certificate to mean love," AOL Personals Director Keith Brengle told Reuters.
But marriage is more than just a piece of paper, argues Jim Mueller, president and co-founder of Growthtrac Ministries, an organization that produces Christian marriage resources.
"A Christian marriage is between two people who have committed their lives – and their marriage – to a relationship with Jesus Christ," Mueller commented to The Christian Post. "That couple is making a permanent promise – a covenant – that is not meant to be broken. That makes a difference."
Part of God's design for marriage requires preparation, consideration and a long-term view, he added.
Mueller believes that many of the negative values reflected in the media, celebrity lifestyles, and culture have led many young adults in their 20s to adopt a light view of commitment in marriage and co-habitation before marriage.
"It's a shame media doesn't communicate the statistics of failed relationships – a result of 'committed', but non-married, live-in arrangements," he said.
"Couples who discount marriage in favor of 'living together' may be missing out on a list of perks that could help keep their relationship solid: counseling, pre-marriage classes, financial prep and mentoring – all help build a long-term foundation."
What's often times missing in the marriage discussion between couples are the churches, according to Mueller, who believes churches need to "step up" their marriage ministries.
"Most churches we've talked with have non-existent – or weak – marriage ministry," observed Mueller. "Marriage prep needs to be more than a meeting with the pastor and a reservation in the wedding date book. Churches are missing a bigger opportunity."
Mueller’s organization, Growthtrac, produces marriage events, provides ministry consulting and prepares couples for marriage through mentoring programs and pre-marriage education. Their website also contains many articles, reviews, and interviews by authors and relationship experts.
Zogby-AOL’s latest interactive survey of adults nationwide age 20 to 69 was conducted Nov. 9-12, 2007, and carries a margin of error of +/- 1.2 percentage points.
On the Web: More information on Growthtrac at www.growthtrac.com
Comments
Commenting on the statement about the marriage programs in the churches, you are absolutly right. There are so many churches and ministries that are missing out on delivering more blessings in that way. Now as a young lady, age 20, and engaged, our main reason to get married above all other reasons is beacause we love the Lord. We have been blessed to find eacother at this age and share a simliar lifestyle that revolves around our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It started out with the way we were reared. We both grew up in the church and we both have our fully established realationships with God, now it is time to make that commitment together, not just to eacother but to Him. We have prayed about it and we all know that the Lord answers prayers. I am fully committed to the Lord and he placed this God fearing man in my life and has allowed me to be fully committed to him. So with all of that being said, without the knowledge of who is the true love of your life, there will never be a marriage. Being in a " typical long-term relationship" will cause only temporary pleasure, no matter how long the realationship last. You have no commitment but to yourself and yourself only!!! Marriage is your commitment!!!
"Marriage is Ssimply a statement of commitment. To people who say marriage is not necessary I would ask, Why are you afraid to STATE your commitment?"
I agree. (Actually, marriage is more that a statement -- it's a legal institution that comes with lots of rights, benefits and obligations). But I agree in principle.
There is a major reason why people don't see marriage as important. And that's because of the growing acceptance and acknowledge of gay couples. Since gays are not entitled to get married anywhere in the states other than Mass., gay couples are forced to form their own form of marriage. They enter into civil unions, they get their church to do a holy union ceremony, and so on.
And young people see many couples who have done this and lived happily for decades, even their entire lives. So they ask, if gay couples can live with their loved one happily and easily, why can't I?
And, it is the very fact of denying gays the right to marry that is actually destroying marriage. Actual studies have shown that in countries where gay marriage is allowed, such as Belgium, Denmark, and the Netherlands, marriages have slightly increased, not decreased.
The more Christians demonize gays and their relationships, the more the younger generation is going to say you are out to lunch. Unlike most Christians, young people know a lot of gay people, and they can tell the difference between ideology and reality.
all these youth with their consciences seared have no idea what they are playing with. sin is a serious issue, especially sexual sins. the bible likens them to harlots/adulterers. i dont see whats the difference between harlots and those who have sex outside of marriage. one does it for money to feed their belly and the other for pleasure, which puts the latter in a far worse position than the former. young peoples attitude towards sex nowdays is so flippant that they arent ashamed to boast of what they did after the fact. no shame attached to these things anymore and this i think is part of the problem. they dont want to commit because then there would be no way to back out if things dont go according to plan. whereas marriage asks us to consider our spouses well being, this seem to be more self centered. i am surprised that even women fall for this (marriage not needed to prove commitment), considering that it they that end up getting more hurt at the end of it all.
easygoing4242, many churches today are not afraid to talk about sex. What is it you think we should be saying to young people, which will cause them to be willing to wait until marriage for a sexual relationship?
I agree with Mueller (in the article) who says that churches need to provide more preparation for marriage than they do. Personally, I think there's a whole lot more said about sex than about managing finances, attitudes toward children, how household responsibilities will be divided, how to handle in-laws, etc.
MuggleBorn - great post! I commend you on a pertinent and important analogy. Marriage is so much more than 'just a piece of paper', it's difficult to know where to start explaining that.
Marriage is Ssimply a statement of commitment. To people who say marriage is not necessary I would ask, Why are you afraid to STATE your commitment?
The truth is, it's lifelong commitment people doni't like any more, not the marriage ceremony. The fact that you've pubilcly said "for better or for worse" just makes it more painful when you give up because things got worse.
Shoot me down!
With these cultural downfalls starting in our universities, I wonder what percentages of students feel this way. It would be interesting to know what their reactions would be, if at graduation day, the school wouldn't hand them a degree, or any written acknowledgement or certification of graduation.
Student: "What's the %&*$# % DEAL?!?!! Where's my degree?!?!?"
University President: "Huh? Degree? Wow, you're old-fashioned. You don't need a piece of paper to tell people you're educated. Tell you what ... If someone you want to go work for needs proof of your commitment to this university, and our commitment to acknowledge your achievements, just have them call us. We’ll honor those achievements”.
Student (perplexed): “Huh? …. Uuuh, what about my transcripts? I thought …”
University President (interrupting with condescending laughter): “Transcripts? Ha ha! Now you’re just being anal. HEY! You want FRIES WITH THAT? HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
YES .... WITHOUT MARRIAGE THERE IS ONLY A COMMITMENT TO SELF.
THEREFORE, NO TRUST IS INVESTED INTO IT AND NO COMMITMENT SHOULD BE EXPECTED FROM IT.
SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS NOT ONLY FORNICATION, IT IS PRACTICING FOR DIVORCE.
amendoza, your right a big piece of the puzzle is purity, but lets be honest ,the church is scared death to talk about sex. The world is in a morrall free fall and the church is know where to be found. Several hundred times in the bible it speaks of NOT FEARING, in other words FEAR NOT. The church basic problem is that they are scared to talk about sex, how pathetic. Pators your obediance is not of the bible but the devil, it is a crying shame pastors you guys are scared to talk about sex, nothing but sin.
this all goes back to the lack of importance put on purity..... NO MORE FORNICATION!!!
God bless,
Anthony
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