As I survey the landscape of the world today it seems like so many marriages are falling apart…and what is so sad is that it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are four reasons I believe marriages fail…
#1 – People Refuse to Ask for Help!
For some reason is has become taboo (especially in the church) to ask for help in your marriage; after all, if you do THAT then people may think you are weak. So, instead of dealing with the problem you deny it because everyone knows that if you deny something long enough that it will eventually go away, right?
WRONG…refusing to ask for help is nothing more than pride–period!
SO many marriages could be saved if people would simply swallow their pride in the early stages of conflict and ask for help by either calling the church or finding another godly couple in the church who have been together for a long time.
#2 – Refusing to Address Their Part of the Problem!
It really does take two people to mess up a marriage.
Even if one person is 95% at fault the other person still had to own their 5%.
All too often couples walk into a counseling situation convinced if the other person would just change into the person that they want them to be the marriage would be amazing. (Read that sentence again…because this attitude basically tells the other person, “If you will simply make me your god and worship me then all will be wonderful!”)
Lucretia and I have a great marriage; however, it has been far from perfect these past almost 11 years. BUT…what I have personally discovered is that it isn’t my job to point out her imperfections and shortcomings but to ask the Lord to reveal my own so that I can work on my issues…and then trust the Lord that if there is something that He wants to work out in her that He will do so in His time.
Please understand that I am NOT saying that there are not times when we haven’t had to sit down and have hard conversations with one another about some things…but this is always done with the thought in mind that we are fighting FOR our marriage and not IN our marriage…and that fight begins NOT with who we perceive the other person to be but rather who Christ is actually shaping us into.