Priscilla Shirer, a Bible teacher and bestselling author who hosts "The Chat" Web show, recently led a no-holds-barred discussion with five Christian men to get an inside perspective on what women need to know about the opposite sex when it comes to their ego, intimacy, and taking on certain roles in the relationship.
"The Chat with Priscilla" is broadcast monthly at http://thechatwithpriscilla.com and features Shirer hosting discussions with a variety of guests on issues related to relationships, faith and well-being. The show is tailored for a female audience.
In a recent two-part episode of "The Chat," Shirer hosted comedian Michael Jr., her brother and recording artist Anthony Evans, worship leader Carlos Whittaker, her husband Jerry Shirer and recording artist Michael Boggs in a discussion about "What Men Wished Women Knew."
One question posed early on in the discussion by Shirer was directed to Evans, her unmarried brother: "What is most distasteful to you about a single woman?"
Evans, who showed off his ring-less hand at one point, stated that when a woman is "overtly forward" he finds it to be a major turnoff. "It's not endearing at all," he said, adding, "We were built for that, to pursue, and if it flips I'm like, 'Nah, I'm good.'"
So how does a woman show she might be interested in a man without "putting herself out there too far?" Shirer asked.
According to Whittaker, married for 13 years and occasionally on the road, there is the universal "look" a woman might give to signal her interest in a man.
"It just takes a look. If you cast that one look from somebody, you know they're interested. That even goes for married people and single people," he said. "As a married man, when I'm on the road, I even have to look for that look … It's like, 'run away.'"
He added, "It doesn't have to be overtly this really loud thing. It can be really subtle, I think."
Michael Jr., who has been married for nine years, chimed in, stating, "I think it's really unattractive when a woman is doing too much to be attractive. Like, if she's doing too much or she's showing too much — first of all, I'm a very creative person. I like to imagine some stuff, and you're showing me everything. That is so ridiculous."
Do Men Still Pursue Women?
Shirer noted the opinion held by some women that men in today's culture do not seem too interested in actually pursuing a woman.
"I think a lot of women think that guys aren't interested in pursuing anymore. I think they want someone to come knock on their door because all the women are like, 'OK, the Bible says he who finds a good wife, but it doesn't seem like anyone is interested or looking. Where are all the men?'"
Whittaker agreed with Shirer's assessment, saying, "I think this is actually an epidemic that's going on in evangelical America. I think you're right, and I think the women are right. There's a bunch of lazy, childish, 30-year-old men out there that need to step up and need to pursue, as opposed to think everything's going to come to them."
He added, "I think you're starting to see relationships beginning to fail because both men and women that grew up in this entitled generation are just kind of expecting it to happen because everything else was given to them. They don't realize they gotta actually put some work into it."
In another part of the discussion on "What Men Wished Women Knew," Shirer asked Evans to name the "top three things that would cause you to want to be in a committed, married relationship with a woman? What would a woman have to embody for you to be like, 'I am ready to put a ring on it?'"
Evans, calling himself a "30-something noncommittal guy," responded that a woman needs to have confidence and "want" him as opposed to "needing" him.
"Her knowing who she is in Christ, I need that," said Evans.
He added, "I love, for me, a woman who can have a career and do that thing but her heartbeat is home."
Importance of Physical Appearance
The men also were asked to share whether they thought a woman's physical appearance mattered more, or if her relationship with God was more important.
Jerry Shirer, Priscilla's husband of 15 years, expressed the consensus among the group, stating, "What am I gonna see first?"
He clarified that although physical appearance was not the most important factor, "That's the initial thing. ... That's what's going to attract me to you first, that's what's going to make me approach you."
Boggs, to the amusement of the other men and the studio audience, shared that he first noticed his wife while he was in the middle of leading a worship service at church.
"Man, I would like to meet her," Boggs said he thought at the time.
"Creep!" shouted Evans, prompting others to burst out in laughter at the scenario.
"She really caught my eye, and it wasn't until a few hours later her aunt introduced her to me and I got to talk to her a little bit, hear a little bit about who she was," Boggs said. "I was like, 'You're interesting to me.' And then she wouldn't give me her phone number, which made me even more interested."
Ego, Independence and Submission
In part two of their discussion, the men touched on issues of sex and intimacy and their thoughts on submission in marriage.
"Could you all help us to understand how critical the care of your ego is? How we step around it? How we encourage it?" asked Shirer.
"For me, I don't have to be coddled. I just can never be purposefully emasculated. If you do that, we'll have a problem," said Evans, adding that how a woman chooses to use her words can be damaging.
Jerry Shirer jumped in, stating, "I think the bottom line is this, the Bible is very clear: women honor your husbands; husbands love your wives. The reason He says 'honor' is because of our ego. I mean, He created it, so it is there."