(Photo: Courtesy of Voice of the Voiceless)
A former self-described "satanic drag queen," who has accepted Jesus and found love in the church, will receive an award for courage at the first Ex-Gay Awareness dinner and reception that will be held later this month in Washington, D.C.
On Sept. 30, Voice of the Voiceless, a nonprofit organization that aims to defend the rights of former homosexuals, and individuals with unwanted same-sex attraction and their families, will present Trace McNutt with its first-ever courage award for former homosexuals.
During an interview with The Christian Post on Tuesday, McNutt described in detail the extremes he went to to find acceptance among his peers, his family and later, the gay community.
Speaking candidly, McNutt described getting hit by bricks and two-by-fours as a child. In one particular altercation, he said that boys had urinated on the clothes he was wearing. The bullying, made worse by his parents' disapproval, drove him to seclude himself.
"I was obsessed with groups like KISS and Marilyn Manson," he recalled.
Eventually, McNutt discovered that he had same-sex attraction and entered the gay community. But the cruelty didn't stop there, he said. "If you're not perfect, if you don't have 8 percent body fat and look like Justin Timberlake, you're completely shunned in the gay community."
He continued, "The royalty and the rockstars in the gay community are the drag queens." So in order to get accepted, McNutt decided to enlist in their ranks, creating his alter ego, named Coma.
Dressing as a woman, he put on lipstick and eyeliner. But he also wore white contacts to make him seem more demonic. "I just wanted to be evil," he explained.
"I decided I was going to be a dark drag queen, a scary one, having sex with fake corpses onstage, ripping babies' heads out, mocking the name of Jesus Christ," he added.
At this point in his life, McNutt said he felt as though he had suddenly achieved spectacular success, because he was performing with celebrities all over the country. But even as a "rockstar in the gay community," unexpectedly, he was alone.
"No one was interested in me as Trace, and even as Coma, no one was really interested in me," he said. In his loneliness, he got addicted to cocaine, had sex "with up-to 20 people in one day," and attempted to commit suicide seven times.
McNutt had become a sex addict, a cocaine addict and infected with AIDS.
After the drag queen's last suicide attempt, a doctor discovered that he was HIV positive, had AIDS and was almost at the point of death from a rare form of cancer. After a particularly trying treatment, McNutt said he was healed and released.
"All my gay friends in the gay community who loved me as Coma, when I was going through hard times, no one was there – they couldn't care less," he recalled. During his recovery, he lived in a group home with HIV positive men and received disability benefits from the government.
Receiving salvation through Jesus Christ
Feeling "the tug of Jesus," McNutt entered Calvary Chapel St. Petersburg in Pinellas Park, Fla., walking into a Sunday morning service "with pink lip gloss." The church welcomed him with open arms, and he finally began to form healthy relationships with men that carried no sexual tension.
He also told CP that along with the spiritual healing he received, he was physically healed and no longer has HIV or AIDS.
"They can't even find the virus, even in my blood," he explained. "I believe it's God's grace keeping me healthy, and modern medicine is also playing a role."
Backlash from the gay community
Having found a new life, McNutt said he considered himself done with the gay community, but the gay community wasn't done with him.
"I received death threats," he recalled. "One guy told me that he was going to put a bullet in my brain because I was a traitor to my people."
The former drag queen said that despite all the evil he's experienced, he still believes in the sovereignty of God.
He affirmed his belief that the Lord didn't cause all of these things to happen to him, but He permitted them, so that he could share "a testimony to give hope to people who are struggling with sexuality."
According to McNutt, Christians need to improve and advance their outreach to homosexuals, and make a concerted effort to share the Gospel with the gay community.
"The church has not done a good job of reaching out to the gay community at all," he charged, urging churches to start ministries geared toward loving gay people.
And although he continues to struggle with same-sex attraction, McNutt told CP that he has not undergone formal therapy to go from gay to straight, but receives counsel through pastors and mentors to help him heal the wounds that have lead to the development of his homosexual feelings.
"I believe the opposite of homosexuality isn't heterosexuality but holiness," he explained. "I no longer identify myself as a gay man. I am a child of God."