Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: 'Lust, Not Love' is Key to Biblical Marriage
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is known for his teachings and public persona. The rabbi has worked with Oprah Winfrey and other stars and published several controversial books, the latest being "Kosher Lust: Love is Not the Answer." In the book, he argues that lust, not love, is at the root of a successful, biblically-based relationship.
"All the famous marriages of the Bible are lust relationships, not love relationships," Rabbi Boteach told the New York Post. "Just look at our patriarchs. Jacob waits seven years for Rachel and for him it feels like a few days. The first thing Rebecca does when she meets Isaac is veil her face."
What exactly is a lust relationship? One in which there is still an air of mystery, in which couples still manage to desire one another, no matter how many years of marriage. Instead of revealing everything, a person still keeps some things hidden, or private, especially when it comes to intimacy. Boteach uses the example of Sarah and Abraham, who managed to stay intimate even well into their old age.
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"The primary concern – especially from women – is that their sex lives are atrophying. There's no intimacy in marriage," he explained. "The reason why women leave bad marriages is because they don't feel desired. Even in affairs, men don't love the other woman – they lust after her. If you put love and lust together, love stands no chance."
Many have questioned whether Boteach is actually right in his assertion that lust should be the core of a relationship, not love. One of those is Dr. Mehmet Oz, who actually directly questioned Boteach during a flight and as part of a conference at the Jerusalem Press Club.
"As I watched your wife Debbie fall asleep as she read the final draft of your newest book, I could not help myself but to ask why you, Shmuley, think that love is the death of marriage, and has to be replaced by lust?" Oz asked.
Boteach did not give a direct reply but suggested that Oz purchase his book.
