- (Photo: Reuters/Ivan Alvarado)
There is a new 800-pound gorilla in the midst of some marriages today that most American couples seem to be ignoring, according to new research by the Marriage and Religion Institute.
The issue most family experts are finding out today is that addiction to pornography is not just a man’s problem. Loneliness strikes at the heart of both husbands and wives, but tends to plunge deeper into the emotional expanse of women.
Wives today are now being seduced by “emo-porn,” which is a new virtual infidelity type of pornography that is more emotionally satisfying than creating physical pleasures, according to Focus on the Family.
Emo-porn, is something women are watching that shows fantasy men performing stunningly between the "sheets of conversation," emotional understanding, and emotional dexterity.
“The Internet has been a game-changer in porn delivery, “ said David Krueger, chairman of the Missouri Baptist Convention's Christian Life Commission.
“Previous generations had to seek out illicit magazines or movies in retail stores, but now hardcore content is available anytime free of charge to anyone with Internet access.”
Krueger says 12 percent of all online web content today is pornographic in nature and 35 percent of all Internet downloads contain pornographic material.
"Porn revenue is larger than the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. It is a $12 billion a year business in the United States and a $57 billion business worldwide."
He says as Christians and Christian leaders we must be on an immediate mission to educate and to encourage people to challenge them toward Christ-like living.
Krueger says our society is in a free fall and developing a biblical worldview in such matters as family life and current moral issues is urgent.
Currently, the reasons why husbands turn to porn are better known, discussed, and more public than why wives turn to pornography.
Social scientists, clinical psychologists, and biologists have just begun to clarify some of the powerful social and psychological negative effects of porn.
Experts say users of pornography most always become desensitized to the type of filth they watch and become bored with it. They seek more perverse forms in time.
Pornography is like salt water, it creates a worsening thirst.
Studies show that emo-porn creates caricatures in the minds and hearts of wives that they do not have in real life.
“Most mortal men cannot deliver such behavior, the way men do in soap operas and romance novels,” said Paul Coughlin, a Christian author and international speaker on men's issues, marriage, parenting and bullying prevention.
“Just as wives rightly complain when compared to the artificially created women of Internet porn, men should complain when compared to the artificial men of daytime television.”
Coughlin says in the real world - real men burn through a lot of emotional battery life to make a real living. They are expected to behave like men who don’t exist.
“Most men just aren’t and cannot be that attentive, especially in marriage where responsibilities to provide weigh heavily upon them,” Coughlin says.
“Husbands are quietly deemed unresponsive and uncaring when compared to emotionally dexterous hunks of daytime lore, chat rooms, celebrity rags, and romance novels.”
He says this is a secretive longing in women and it snowballs into a form of marital discontent.
New research shows that the reason why pornography is more attractive to wives than husbands is its capacity for secretive retribution.
Through concealed romps with other men, wives say they feel like they have “gotten back” at their husbands for hurting them for behaviors they committed or didn’t commit.
Wifely virtual infidelity is less visible and more secretive, making it harder to expose and to heal.
One new study shows that nearly 30 percent of all visitors to porn sites are women.
Studies show that women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, even affairs.
Seventy percent say they keep their cyber activities secret, according to the report.
“Given the secretive nature of virtual infidelity and a man’s more limited ability to notice minute relational cues, he is likely to think that 'Everything’s okay,' in his marriage when it’s not,” Coughlin says.
“Worse, he’s denied the very information he needs to play his role in mending it.”
Among couples affected by one spouse’s addiction, two-thirds experience a loss of interest in the marriage, is a pathway to infidelity, and leads to a loss of interest in good family relations and social instability in America, according to a new study published by the Marriage and Religion Institute.
Traditionally, government has kept a tight lid on sexual traffic and businesses, but in matters of pornography it is out of control with the exception of child pornography.
“The main finding on the effects of pornography is that it is a pathway to infidelity and divorce,” according to researchers at the Marriage and Religion Institute.
“It is frequently the major factor in family disasters."
Family experts say the main defense against pornography addiction for men and women is a close family life.
A good marriage, good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate monitoring of Internet use can keep big problems at bay, according to experts at the Marriage and Religion Institute.