Tullian Tchividjian, the grandson of well-renown evangelist Billy Graham, is openly regretting his transgressions two years after he lost his church and wife to an adultery scandal.
"Whatever bad stuff you may have read or heard about me, whether it is true or false, this I can tell you for sure: I am way worse than anyone knows," he said in the letter's introduction.
"In fact, I am certain that if all my sins (thoughts, words, and deeds) over the last four decades were broadcast universally, the only person who would still love me is Jesus (and sometimes in my darkest moments of doubt and despair, I have wondered whether even he would)," the former ordained pastor said.
Tchividjian stepped down last summer from his position as pastor at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, after admitting to an extramarital affair. At the time, he also filed for divorce from his now ex-wife, Kim, and South Florida Presbytery likewise stripped him of his pastoral credentials.
In the blog, he said the consequences of his actions are "omnipresent" and his sin has damaged everything around him.
"There isn't a day that goes by when I am not reminded, in some way, of what I've done and the damage I've caused," Tchividjian continued.
The 45-year-old recalled recently visiting a Barnes & Nobles and spotting his name on a book of a young author who had asked him to endorse his work because of the value it would bring to his writing.
"There it was, my name, sticking out like a discrediting blemish on his hard work. I felt sick," he loathed.
He said that moment reminded him of the "far reaching effects" of his sin and how so many people he's never even met "were hurt" by him.
"God gifted me with a family to care for, people to love, a high calling, a life-giving message, and a large platform to shout it from-and I blew it," Tchividjian said. "I blew it all when I had every reason (and opportunity) not to. And I alone am to blame for this."
Although throughout most of the post, Tchividjian was lamenting over his past mistakes, he did offer some hope for those who find themselves in a similar situation as him.
"Here's what I know: there are a lot of people out there just like me. People who live with guilt and shame and regret and sadness because of what they have done or failed to do. People who would do anything to go back in time and make different choices but are presently plagued by the realization that they can't."
Still sharing his minister's heart for others, Tchividjian invited others who have fallen to turn to Jesus with him.
"Come with me to your deepest bottom, and together, there, let us find hope and comfort and love and forgiveness and grace and mercy," he added. "Because the bad news that we are all guilty is met with the best news that God loves, forgives, and heals the broken hearts of guilty people. After all, God's office of grace IS at the end of our rope."
"Discover that we can still have hope amidst the ruins of our lives because Jesus plus nothing still equals everything," he concluded.
Read Tchividjian's full blog post here.