Does forgiveness cover abortion? Many women aren't sure.
There was a time in my life when I thought I was unforgivable.
I recall the exact moment when I realized that my entire perspective had been shaped by my belief that I was beyond God’s love and mercy. Part of the issue was that my theology was deeply flawed, but I had also made so, so many horrible mistakes and hurt so many people that I thought I was irredeemable.
While my mistakes did not include abortion, many women sitting in our churches on Sunday may feel similarly because they have an abortion in their past.
It is estimated that as many as one in four women have had an abortion or are expected to within their lifetime. And the women in our pews are not immune. One study found that seven in 10 women who have had an abortion identified themselves as Christian, with more than four in 10 attending church at the time of their abortion. This means there are women in our churches who have had an abortion and who may increasingly feel as if the message of forgiveness they hear every Sunday does not apply to them.
Silenced perceived as condemnation
When women hear messaging on God’s forgiveness of sin but never hear that abortion falls within those bounds of forgiveness, many begin to believe that their pastor’s silence is actually condemnation. Instead of mercy and grace, they perceive judgment.
An extensive study on abortion in the Church found that 49% of women who had an abortion believed that their pastors’ teachings on forgiveness don’t seem to apply to abortion decisions.
From the outside, this may seem like an obvious theological error. But women who are consumed by shame and guilt may not be able to forgive themselves and then project that notion onto God. Intense emotional pain can warp their understanding of repentance and forgiveness, making that process feel beyond their reach.
Shame and forgiveness
Research from Vitae Foundation — where I work — sheds light on the deeply ingrained psychological mechanisms women employ in the wake of their abortion. Women cope in various ways, but compartmentalization was especially prominent in Vitae’s “No Regrets?” study, in which women described keeping their abortion “boxed up” and attempting to avoid thinking about it altogether. However, this is rarely possible in reality. An immense sense of shame prevents some women from even attempting to face the pain of their past abortion decision and when they do, they feel that forgiveness and healing are hopelessly out of reach.
Many women were more forthcoming with their regret, expressing a desperate need for forgiveness from themselves, their aborted child, and God. They often imagined the possible life they would have had with their child and expressed feeling a profound sense of loss.
Women in Vitae’s “No Regrets?” study also reported feeling loneliness and isolation after their abortion. Other research found that many women keep their abortion a secret from loved ones, particularly their pastor and church, from whom they fear judgment. Their shame leads to secrecy, out of which grows the feeling that they are uniquely irredeemable.
Silence is not kindness
Pastors may not speak about abortion from the pulpit out of a sense of kindness or love, not wanting to seem judgmental or inflict further pain on those who have had abortions. However, when well-intentioned pastors and churches are silent on abortion, it does more harm than good. Individuals can easily develop an inaccurate theological conception of sin and forgiveness when those notions are never brought to light and addressed. What appears to be obvious theological truth is obscured by deep shame and guilt.
Some women ultimately leave the Church, no longer feeling as if the message of forgiveness applies to them.
The Church must be intentional about correcting the distorted perception women have of God’s posture toward their sin. Though we may think it is obvious the repentant can be forgiven, shame can twist one’s beliefs about God, forgiveness, and salvation. After all, how can you accept forgiveness if you cannot forgive yourself?
As a Church, we must proclaim God’s truth and drive out the darkness of shame with God’s light. Christ’s Church should be able to speak candidly of the reality of sin, repentance, and forgiveness, but not without communicating the incomprehensible depths of God’s mercy, love, and grace.
I know what it is like to believe you are irredeemable and how difficult it is to accept forgiveness when you feel utterly unworthy of such mercy.
But when we point women toward Christ, we not only provide them with the hope of forgiveness and healing that has felt perpetually out of reach, but we also help lead them back to wholeness and communion with God.
Christ is the true source of healing, which is why His Church simply cannot be silent on this issue.
Barb Adamson is the Digital Media Coordinator for Vitae Foundation, a national nonprofit that facilitates research on abortion decision-making to inform effective pro-life messaging. She holds a Master of Arts in Communication from the University of Central Missouri and a Master of Arts in English from Truman State University. In addition to her professional work, Barb is a wife and mother who volunteers at a local women’s ministry.
