I was scared, and I took the abortion pill. What I did next saved my baby girl
“This is over,” I whispered between tears, “I need you to forgive me, God.”
I sat panicking in the Planned Parenthood parking lot, waiting until I calmed down to drive home. The entire drive there, I’d prayed for a sign — or for someone to tell me — that I didn’t need to use the abortion drug to end my child’s life. It hadn’t come, and I had gone through with the appointment.
After, filled with regret, I frantically texted my OBGYN asking if I could reverse the effects of the first pill in the abortion drug regimen, mifepristone. There was silence, and after a few moments, I received the news I dreaded most: there was nothing that could be done.
Then I saw it. Staked in the grass at the edge of the parking lot stood a sign, with bold lettering, which read: “If you took the pill, it’s not too late.”
I thought about that sign when I saw the news recently of proposed legislation to ban the use of mifepristone in abortion. An event introducing the bill featured multiple women who, like me, have taken mifepristone in a state of panic and soon regretted it. Nobody warned us of its dangers or that we had a window of time to reverse its effects if we changed our minds.
Women deserve clear information about risks and the possibility of Abortion Pill Reversal (APR) before taking mifepristone, so that a moment of panic doesn’t become a lifelong regret.
In my own case, I was going through a stressful divorce and custody battle when I started seeing another man and became pregnant. I’d always found abortion repugnant, but fear began to outweigh my convictions. What if this pregnancy could be used against me in the custody litigation? How could I take care of my other four kids if I had morning sickness? I had been a stay-at-home mom for years, and the concept of supporting five children on my own was terrifying. I was 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I drove to the abortion facility.
When I arrived, the staff didn't notice my visible distress and uncertainty, much less give me additional time to think. Instead, they gave me an incredibly simplistic and inaccurate overview of what I would endure: a heavy period that was “safer than birth” and the promise that I wouldn’t see my baby when it passed. They gave me the pill and ushered me out of the clinic without any information for follow-up care.
Back in my car, the panic of my pregnancy then gave way to the panic of life without this precious child. It wasn’t until I saw the sign advertising APR that I felt a glimmer of hope. Googling the phrase on the sign, “if you took the pill, it’s not too late,” an APR hotline popped up.
I immediately called the number and spoke with a doctor who answered my questions and assured me there was still a chance I could have my baby and that he or she would be healthy. “Would you have your own daughter do this?” I asked. “Absolutely,” he responded. That was good enough for me.
The doctor explained that the mifepristone pill essentially was starving my child of nutrients, but that progesterone could successfully override its effects. He prescribed me progesterone, connected me with a nurse that I could call at any time of day with questions, and connected me with a pregnancy clinic near my home that gave me an ultrasound and confirmed my baby still had a heartbeat. Everyone, including my OBGYN, was astounded at this news and began calling my child a “miracle baby.”
A few months later, I delivered a healthy girl.
A moment of panic almost made me end my daughter’s life. Information about my options ultimately saved her — and me. Today, my daughter is a happy and healthy 2-year-old. Despite my worst fears, my divorce settled smoothly, and I retained custody of all my children. I am also engaged to my daughter’s father, and planning a life for our family that I thought was impossible years ago when I sat in the Planned Parenthood parking lot.
Since then, I’ve talked with other women about their troubling experience with the lack of information on their risks and options when taking abortion drugs and their serious regrets in the aftermath of seeking to end their pregnancies. I tell them that I understand why fear is prompting them to do something they might not normally consider, and that there are so many people who want to help them. In numerous cases, they share that clinic staff downplayed the serious adverse effects of mifepristone — which new reports show is 22 times higher than previously reported — and blatantly lied about mifepristone being safer than birth.
Every woman deserves to know exactly what mifepristone entails, and to learn about APR in case she changes her mind. Any patient who makes a decision based on fear, ignorance, or pressure is not truly making a choice.
I am grateful to use my experience to help women in their time of need, and today I can tell women truthfully: “It’s not over, and it’s not too late.”
Sierra McLeod is an Ohio mother of five.
