Why 'Father, forgive them' isn't the same as 'I forgive you'

By Teasi Cannon, Op-ed contributor Saturday, August 08, 2026

One of the hardest commands Jesus gives His followers is the command to love our enemies — to bless those who curse us and pray for those who mistreat us. This calling can feel almost impossible when the “enemy” isn’t merely someone who annoyed, disappointed, or misunderstood us, but someone who heartlessly — even ruthlessly — abused us without even a hint of remorse.

Christians are often encouraged to look to Jesus on the cross as our example. According to a common understanding of Luke 23:34, Jesus forgave His unrepentant abusers in the middle of their abuse, and therefore we must do the same.

But is that what Luke actually records?

After being betrayed, falsely accused, mocked, beaten, scourged, and nailed to a cross, Jesus says, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

What Jesus does in this moment is astonishing. He doesn’t curse His enemies, call down immediate judgment upon them, or demand that the Father make them suffer as He is suffering. Instead, He intercedes for them.

But notice something important: Jesus doesn’t turn toward His executioners and say, “I forgive you.” He addresses His Father in prayer: “Father, forgive them.” That distinction matters.

Many sincere Christians understand this prayer as an example of Jesus granting forgiveness to people whether they repent or not. But that isn’t what Luke tells us. Luke records intercession, not a declaration that interpersonal forgiveness has already been granted. Jesus is pleading for mercy on behalf of His enemies.

The Father’s pattern

And there’s another reason we should be careful about reading unconditional forgiveness into this scene. Jesus perfectly reveals the Father. Jesus says, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9), and, “whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise” (John 5:19).

God loves sinners, longs for people to be reconciled to Him, makes forgiveness possible through Christ, and freely offers it to all. But Scripture consistently connects receiving God’s forgiveness with repentance and faith. Jesus’ message throughout His ministry wasn’t, “You’re all forgiven whether you turn to God or not.” It was, “Repent and believe the Gospel” (Mark 1:15).

As the perfect revelation of the Father, Jesus doesn’t suddenly model a contradictory kind of forgiveness from the cross. Instead, He demonstrates exactly the kind of enemy-love He had already taught.

Jesus practiced what He preached

So, what does Luke 23:34 show us?

It shows Jesus going first. It shows Him living the command He had given His followers: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27-28).

From the cross, Jesus doesn’t give a sermon. He lives one.

The people beneath Him have ripped the flesh from His back, driven nails into His body, mocked Him, and watched Him suffer. Yet He asks His Father to give them the greatest possible gift: forgiveness and reconciliation with God. There’s no better eternal future for any human being than to repent, receive God’s forgiveness, and be restored to the Author of Life.

Loving our enemies doesn’t require unsafe proximity

Loving our enemies doesn’t mean pretending they’re safe. It doesn’t mean giving a destructive person unlimited access to us, returning to an abusive environment, or repeatedly offering vulnerability to someone who weaponizes it. Scripture commands discernment as well as love. Christians are sometimes told to avoid persistently wicked or divisive people and to recognize bad fruit (Matthew 7:6; Romans 16:17; 2 Timothy 3:1-5; Titus 3:10).

Prayer, however, doesn’t require proximity, reconciliation, or ongoing contact. It gives us a place to bring our pain honestly before God while placing our offender into His hands. When it’s difficult even to bring that person to mind, we can pray simply: “Father, restrain their evil. Bring them to repentance. Show them mercy. Forgive them and save them. I don’t want them to perish.”

That is love, even when no warm feelings accompany it.

Not an easy command

Many of us have endured real evil. I know I have. From childhood into early adulthood, I experienced repeated sexual abuse. Later came emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse. There have been seasons when praying for those who gutted me felt nearly impossible — sometimes offensive. How can Jesus ask people who’ve suffered deeply to pray for those who inflicted such evil?

Because He did it first.

Christians often collapse many distinct acts of obedience into one word: forgiveness. But Scripture separately commands us to love our enemies, pray for our abusers, relinquish vengeance, trust God for ultimate justice, guard against bitterness, and allow Him to heal our broken hearts. Jesus gives separate instructions about interpersonal forgiveness: “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3).

Those teachings don’t contradict each other. We should always love our enemies and desire their repentance and salvation. But we shouldn’t label something forgiveness when Jesus doesn’t.

When repentance doesn’t come, we can still walk faithfully toward healing and freedom. We’re not powerless or stuck waiting for an offender to change. We can entrust our wounded hearts to God, surrender bitterness and vengeance, seek His healing, and trust Him with the justice and outcomes we can’t control. And we can place those who harmed us into His hands, asking Him to bring truth into the light, grant repentance, and show mercy. We can desire salvation rather than destruction for those who wounded us, even when our prayers are imperfect, costly, and offered through tears.

Praying for our enemies isn’t a lesser act of obedience than forgiving. It’s a breathtaking opportunity to fellowship in the suffering of our Savior and reflect His countercultural love to a world that desperately needs Him.

Adapted from Counterfeit Forgiveness: How a Modern Myth Betrays Victims, Protects Abusers, and Corrupts the Gospel, releasing August 28, 2026.