Why men are crucial in unexpected pregnancies

By Victoria Clark, Op-ed contributor Tuesday, June 23, 2026

Decades of research have given those who stand for life great insight into the emotional, situational, and societal factors that play into a woman’s abortion decision. As a result, we’ve built countless pregnancy centers, medical facilities, resources, and support programs to help meet her where she’s at, so she is supported in choosing life.

Yet, a pivotal piece has often been overlooked in this conversation. Him.

Men face many of the same questions women do during an unexpected pregnancy. Questions of readiness, responsibility, and what happens next. And in the middle of it all, he quietly wonders: What is my role in this? 

Using their unique Emotional Research Methodology, Vitae Foundation’s newest study explores the emotional motivators of men who have faced unexpected pregnancies and how their voice can play a meaningful role in a life-affirming decision.

Taking stock of his life

The news of pregnancy immediately confronts him with a variety of questions about himself, his future, and his relationship. Am I really capable of this? Do I want this long term? Is this the life I imagined for myself? Is our relationship strong enough?

Before he can process the looming uncertainties, he is faced with foundational questions of emotional, financial, and practical readiness. Identifying core values, priorities, and the kind of person he wants to become can provide a broadened picture of his life that can serve as a launchpad towards the life he wants to build.

Oftentimes, he isn’t contemplating whether he wants to keep the pregnancy, but rather questioning whether he is really ready and able to meet the responsibility.

What “I’m not ready” really means

Questions of readiness remain a common concern among most men. But when men talk about their lack of readiness, it’s usually tied to fear. For many, “not ready” really means “I’m afraid I can’t do this well.”

In Vitae’s “A Few Good Men” study, the most common reasons men don’t feel ready are financial insecurity, still working towards an education or career advancement, feeling too young, immature, or selfish, and the fear of not being able to provide an ideal environment for a child.

So, the underlying question isn’t “Am I really ready?” but rather, “am I willing to step into the opportunity this may give me?” This sets the stage for building a realistic and achievable plan for him and his partner moving forward.

He doesn’t have to feel ready. But he does need a voice. And when he is supported in using it, he can rise to meet what’s in front of him.

Lack of readiness is often rooted in fear, and the pressure of responsibility is often what intensifies it.

Provider instinct and the invisible pressure of responsibility

When the pregnancy test reads positive, the pressure of responsibility can rise quickly. And the weight of that responsibility can feel uncomfortable. Many men in the study described an immediate responsibility to provide. He begins to calculate logistics for his new reality. He’s asking himself questions like: How will I provide financially? How will we afford this? What changes need to happen? If we don't stay together long term, how will this work?

At the core, he is trying to figure out how to prepare and provide. For some men, this is motivation to become the man he wants to be. It may be what pushes him to overcome obstacles, build skills in problem solving, and learn to adapt to life’s unexpected turns. It can be a “challenge to rise to” rather than something threatening he can’t manage. Pressure can either push him to speak up and engage or discourage him and silence him.

He has potential that might not have been required until now. Pregnancy can give him the motivation and opportunity to grow into the man he wants to be, to gain a new purpose and drive.

He doesn’t have to have it all figured out today, but he does have a choice in how he will respond. Even if he’s not sure about this pregnancy right now, his long-term view of fatherhood may be deeply meaningful as he navigates the next steps.

Fatherhood may mean more to him than it seems

Most men describe becoming a dad as something that creates meaning to life. They often use words like pride, joy, happiness, purpose, responsibility, and duty.

Many men say that becoming a father didn’t make them feel ready overnight, but it did give them a reason to grow in ways they never had before. 

When men become dads, statistics show they often: 

• Become a better version of themselves, gaining a greater sense of purpose, responsibility, motivation, and confidence.
• Become a man others look up to.
• Are motivated to find stable and secure jobs.
• Are more involved in their communities.
• Are a strong provider and protector of their family.
• Overcome harmful habits and destructive patterns.
• Raise children who do well in school and experience fewer behavior problems when fathers are actively present.

The situation might not be ideal, and the timing might not be right, but having this child can still lead to meaningful growth and positive outcomes. Stepping into being a supportive partner and protective father can bring a whole new depth and meaning to life, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.

When he feels like it’s okay for him to voice what he wants and is allowed to step into the role of provider and supporter, both financially and emotionally, it shifts the conversation from fear to purpose.

Using his voice is often the first step into becoming the father he wants to be.

The key to a pregnancy decision of life: Open, honest communication

Understanding his internal emotional experience raises an important question: How does this show up in the pregnancy decision itself?

When he doesn’t voice where he is emotionally, she is often left trying to interpret where he stands. One Vitae Foundation study found that women often wanted to know what their partner was feeling and if he would support her. Despite his culturally conditioned and sometimes well-meaning phrase of “I’ll support you whatever you choose,” women perceive it as a lack of communication of what he really wants, a lack of support, and putting all the responsibility of such a weighty decision on her alone.

This is reflected in Support After Abortion research, showing 45% of men did not have a voice or choice in the abortion decision, and nearly 57% of men said they were not part of the decision at all.

Most men want to support her; they just don’t know how. If he shares what he is really feeling and how he wants to support her, will it shift the outcome towards a life-affirming choice? The findings of this study suggest it may.

One of the most influential factors in how she responds to the pregnancy is whether she feels supported by her partner.

His willingness to speak up and be present can change the direction of the conversation and decision, and shape him into the kind of man he wants to become.