So remember: Love your daughter! Her spirit of rejection is most likely daring you to reject her. You and your wife have been chosen by God to be His minister of love to her. We realize this will not be easy given the circumstances. Years of feeling rejected and alone cannot be overcome in a few months. It will take years. And that is OK.
Ask our Heavenly Father to be working in her heart too. That is critical. He can help from the inside out: building vision and love and forgiveness in her heart.
Gregory and I have had some real challenges with each of our children. As parents there is no avoiding these challenges. We cannot throw in the towel and walk away. That is the very worst decision. Keep loving your daughter but also do impose appropriate disciplines (as you seem to be doing). Gregory and I talk about the 10:1 rule in both our books. That's 10 parts love, encouragement, affirmation, etc. for every one part discipline. Both are important. One without the other doesn't work.
Please know that we will be praying for you all. Thanks again for writing.
We appreciate your honesty. We will be praying for you all. Here are three additional ideas for you:
1. Enlist close friends to join you in praying for her. "The prayers of the righteous is very powerful" as the Bible tells us. I personally believe that the prayers of loving parents are the most powerful.
2. Fast for her as God leads. Jesus tells us that fasting is very powerful and He is right. I try to fast for my family once a week. A great Christian brother taught me a lot of fasting…and I'm still learning. But there is power there – God's power.
3. Most importantly, please know that our Heavenly Father loves your daughter very, very much. He has entrusted her to you and your wife. So you can expect (and should ask for) God's help in these challenges. The Holy Spirit is powerful. Super powerful. So ask God's Spirit to be at work in your daughter's heart for healing, repentance, and restoration.
Finally, don't ever lose track of the fact that God loves you and will provide a path for you even if you don't quite see it. That is why we require faith. This testing will grow your faith if you allow it to. For we can know with certainty that "In all things God works for good…" That's true even in the toughest of times.
We will be praying for you all. And we would ask your prayers for our family too. Thanks again for sharing!!