Seven Things a Pastor Should Understand About His Wife

This month we focused on “The Unforgotten Bride” in the Perry Noble leadership podcast … basically we talked about the pastors wife and how she quite often is the most underappreciated and undervalued person in the church…by the pastor (her husband!) You can go to the “Perry Noble Leadership Podcast” on itunes and download the episode for free. (It would actually be beneficial for any husband and wife to listen through!)

Today I wanted to share seven things a pastor (or any husband) should understand about your wife…

#1 – Your wife is not your servant…and God’s #1 call on her life is NOT for her to be impressed with you. When you expect her to be impressed with you the way for an affair has been prepared because your biggest desire is to have your ego stroked and not to be the man God has called you to be…one who is unselfish and loves His wife like Christ loves the church.

#2 – Your wife should be as involved in ministry as she feels called to be. She should NEVER be pressured by you to attend things or do things “just because she’s your wife.” Doing so MAY fill a gap in the ministry…but it will cause her to begin to despise the church.

#3 – You should never ignore your wife because “church work is so demanding.” Sure, the church will sing your praises as you pretend to be a spiritual Superman and meet their needs; however, as a friend once told me…remember that those who deify will also crucify! They sang “Hosanna” on the first day of the week in regards to Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem…and “crucify Him” before the week was done! Your wife is your FIRST ministry opportunity!

#4 – Your wife needs your undivided attention…OFTEN! That means date night without your phone…and time on the couch WITH you and WITHOUT your computer open.

#5 – To have your church love you and your wife and children despise you is NOT success in ministry.

#6 – Your wife should be valued, pursued and treasured way more than your attendance and offering reports!

#7 – A vacation at least twice a year when you and your wife get away, just the two of you (this means NO KIDS)…even if it just for a couple of nights is one of the greatest things you can do for your marriage.

Perry Noble is the founding and senior pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina. The church averages 26,000 people during weekend services at multiple campuses throughout the state. Noble, his wife Lucretia and their daughter Charisse live in Anderson, South Carolina. You can read all of Perry’s unfiltered thoughts about life and leadership at

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