How to help a prideful spouse without calling out his pride
Dear Chuck,
We do very well financially, but my husband is growing prideful when it comes to our finances. Can you give me some talking points to share with him?
Concerned Wife
Dear Concerned Wife,
Pride is very easy to spot in someone else and a challenge to identify in ourselves. How well I know that from blindness to my own pride!
It is no easy task to help someone discover that they are prideful. My suggestion is that you learn all that you can about what the Bible says about humility, put it into practice as you make financial decisions, and pray that it lovingly influences your husband’s perspective.
Let’s look at some of the dangers of financial pride and what to do about it.
Pride blinds your judgment
Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (NIV). Because pride always seeks what is best for our own interests, it blinds us to the wisdom we need.
Pride can lead to expensive decisions
Pride wants to build or maintain appearances. It tempts us to buy houses, vehicles, clothes, vacations, or lifestyles we think will impress others even when we cannot afford them.
Humility protects us from making foolish mistakes. It gives us permission to say, “that's outside our budget.” That statement grants tremendous safety and financial freedom in releasing the need to impress people.
The humble choose to live beneath their means. That may lead them to drive older vehicles, live in smaller houses, buy used things, carry lunch to work, and decline expensive invitations without feeling less than who God made them to be. They know they are worth more than what society thinks they need to be. Even when they have the means, they choose not to put wealth on display.
The proud do not seek counsel
Financial decisions can be dangerous when we assume we already know everything we need to know. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15 ESV).
Humility recognizes the need to seek answers. Before making any major purchase, investment, business decision, or career move, seek counsel from people you trust who demonstrate godly wisdom and experience. A good advisor may recognize risks that you have overlooked.
This is particularly important with investing. Pride can convince us to chase the deal, outsmart markets, identify the next great opportunity, or achieve returns that others cannot. Those seeking to make money fast often fail to seek wise counsel.
Pride does not admit and correct mistakes
Financial mistakes can become very expensive when pride prevents us from admitting them.
Consider those who purchase too much house or have overwhelming vehicle payments. Perhaps an investment mistake was made, a business is struggling, or credit card balances are out of control. Purchasing a lake house or mountain home or taking an expensive vacation can all be mistakes if done without wise planning or counsel.
Pride says, “I'll figure it out.” Humility says, “I need help.” The sooner reality is acknowledged, the more options you generally have available. Don't cover up with more bad decisions because you're embarrassed to admit the first one. Humility confesses and repents, thus protecting relationships at home and in business.
Money conflicts can grow into major battles. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (ESV).
That principle can transform financial conversations. It requires listening well without the need to defend yourself. Admit when you have made mistakes. Willingly change your plans because financial unity is more valuable than winning arguments.
Pride leads to comparison
When you see others earning more, owning more, traveling more, or appearing more successful, you can subtly believe that what God has provided you is not sufficient. Pride compares, while humility is able to respond with gratitude.
You may ask yourself, “Why don't I have what they have?” or “How did they buy that?” If you don’t stop and take your thoughts captive, your feelings can turn into resentment or disappointment. Instead, celebrate their success with thankfulness! Then, ask yourself, “How can I faithfully manage what God has entrusted to me?”
First Peter 5:5 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (ESV).
Biblical stewardship begins when we recognize that we are managers, not owners. Everything ultimately belongs to God; therefore, we should not place our identity in possessions, bank accounts, or the temporal things we can buy.
Humility reminds us that our abilities, opportunities, income, possessions, and resources are gifts entrusted to our care. It keeps us teachable, helping us live within our means. It frees us to admit mistakes, receive correction, resist comparison, and remain dependent on God rather than wealth.
Pride asks, “How successful can I appear?” Humility asks, “How faithful can I be?”
That simple change in perspective can protect your finances — and your heart. As you begin to put these principles into practice and in the decisions you make together, I am confident you will have far greater influence on your husband’s heart than attempting to point out his pride.
If pride has led to overspending and credit card debt, Christian Credit Counselors can help. As a trusted Crown partner, they provide personalized debt management plans designed to reduce debt, lower financial stress, and help regain control of one’s finances.
Chuck Bentley is CEO of Crown Financial Ministries, a global Christian ministry, founded by the late Larry Burkett. He is the host of a daily radio broadcast, My MoneyLife, featured on more than 1,000 Christian Music and Talk stations in the U.S., and author of his most recent book, Economic Evidence for God?. Be sure to follow Crown on Facebook.
