Should you cut an estranged child out of your will?

By Chuck Bentley, CP Guest Contributor Friday, November 06, 2026

Dear Chuck,

One of our adult children unexpectedly ceased all communication with us several years ago. Beyond the emotional pain, we're seeking advice in navigating our finances, retirement, and estate plans. How should Christian parents respond when children cut them off?

Heartbroken Parents

Dear Heartbroken Parents,

I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing. Few things are more painful than losing contact with your beloved children. Unfortunately, I am hearing of this more and more often. At a conference I recently attended, three couples told me they were going through the same thing.

Family estrangement, sometimes called “ghosting” when communication abruptly stops, creates a unique kind of grief. Your child is alive, yet you're unable to know of their well-being or share life's milestones, holidays, or ordinary conversations.

Causes for no contact

The situation can result from unresolved conflict, differing values, divorce, painful childhood experiences, politics, or broken trust. Sometimes parents and children have very different understandings of what caused the separation.

A common thread I’ve seen is that adult children may get this advice from their counselors as a form of self-protection. My suspicions were confirmed in a Fox News report. In two large-scale surveys of over 5,200 U.S. parents estranged from adult children, 1,014 parents reported that their children began therapy within the year before the estrangement. See the article. Others are “canceling” relationships by declaring them to be “toxic” if there is a lack of acceptance for the choices made by the child.

Dealing with your heartache

God designed family relationships to be a source of mutual blessing. When those relationships fracture, the loss can be profound. Rejection, uncertainty, and grief compound the confusion and stress. Parents may experience sadness, shame, loneliness, and anxiety. Birthdays and holidays become painful reminders of missing relationships. Grandparents may also lose contact with grandchildren. Proverbs 17:6 reminds us that grandchildren are the crown of the aged and parents are the glory of their children.

• Seek support and prayer from trusted friends and pastors.
• Maintain hope for reconciliation. Don't allow isolation to deepen your suffering.
• Consider what you can do to repair the relationship if given the opportunity.

Financial decisions

We have an enemy working overtime to destroy unity in Christian families. Family estrangement can also create significant financial complications. Let's look at some decisions that will need to be made:

• Retirement and caregiving: Parents who anticipated assistance from adult children may need to budget for professional care, transportation, or additional support as they age. Review your financial plans with qualified professionals. Avoid making inheritance decisions out of anger or using financial support to pressure your child into reconciliation.
• Estate planning: Seek trusted counsel, and give prayerful consideration to inheritance arrangements, beneficiary designations, or responsibilities that may have been assigned to estranged children.
• Legal expenses: Be prepared to review and/or change documents, especially among families with multiple children. This may require professional mediation or legal assistance. Update legal documents when necessary.

Don’t lose hope

There’s a story written by Hemingway of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in the Madrid newspaper. The ad read, “Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.”

On Saturday, 800 young men named Paco showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers. Reconciliation starts with one person's willingness to forgive. Romans 12:18 instructs us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (ESV).

Begin by prayerfully examining your own actions. If you've knowingly caused harm, acknowledge it without excuses, and seek forgiveness. Attempt to sincerely communicate your love without demanding an immediate response. Respect boundaries and wait on God to heal hearts and minds. Ask Him to give you a heart of discernment, compassion, and love — even if you do not know what caused the split. Remember, your identity and security rest in Christ, not in your children's approval.

Many adult children who instigate the estrangement eventually resume contact with their parents. Reconciliation isn't guaranteed, and rebuilding trust may take considerable time.

Pray, pursue personal growth, and demonstrate Christlike love — with no expectations — while respecting appropriate boundaries.

Ask God for wisdom to prepare responsibly, grace to forgive, and patience to trust Him with what you cannot control. The parable of the prodigal son should give us hope that no matter how far gone the child may seem, God can change their heart.

The cost of walking away

Estrangement can interrupt the blessings that come from loving connection and shared life experiences, leaving emotional wounds that persist long after the original disagreement. Time spent apart cannot be recovered, but God can redeem it.

Don't allow temporary anger or unresolved misunderstandings to fracture your family. At the same time, never maintain an unhealthy or abusive relationship simply to preserve a potential inheritance.

Parents should never use financial promises or threats to control their children, or vice versa.

Protect family relationships when possible, pursue reconciliation wisely, and remember that love and forgiveness are more valuable than money.

Crown has many biblically based, practical, and empowering courses and studies that can guide and encourage you to be a faithful financial steward of the resources God provides.