The real reason parents rely on screens as digital babysitters (and how to stop)
As I pushed my hysterically screaming 2-year-old down the grocery aisle, I did the one thing I swore I’d never do: I handed her my phone. And instantly, she stopped crying.
The screen worked! I thought I’d feel relief. I no longer had to listen to her whine, but to my disappointment, I felt a tug in my spirit instead. Because somewhere between the cookie she begged for and the checkout line, I chose my own comfort over the hard work of teaching my daughter patience.
As parents, many of us understand how screen use can lead to anxious, overstimulated children. We know that early screen use is harmful to a child’s developing brain, and we definitely know how annoying it is when our kids struggle to control their emotions when screen time ends. And yet, we hand our kids a tablet at the restaurant because what if they make a scene? We turn on a movie as soon as we get on the plane, because what if our kids get bored?
I don’t think any of us set out to have our children spend seven hours a day on a screen. Yet everywhere I go, from doctors' offices to dinner tables to baseball games, I see children glued to devices. What’s causing the screen crisis in American families, and why do we keep putting our kids in front of devices we know aren’t good for them?
The real problem isn’t the screens. The trouble is, we treat our children like interruptions rather than assignments; we’re exhausted and overworked; and we underestimate the spiritual battle taking place in our homes.
The first problem: We've embraced a culture that sees children as interruptions instead of as rewards from God
We’ve quietly accepted the lie that children are interruptions to our lives rather than one of God’s greatest assignments.
Children must be viewed as precious gifts from God (Psalm 127:3), rather than as annoyances or distractions to be dealt with in order to enjoy life. Raising children is hard; I’m not denying that. Parenting is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.
But parents, we were placed in this generation for such a time as this. We were made to parent for this moment. Along with that, God has specific plans and purposes for our children that He ordained before the beginning of time (Ephesians 2:10). What an honor it is as parents to discover and prepare our children for these assignments.
How would our parenting change if we saw our children as a legacy from the Lord rather than a distraction?
I think we’d slow down and take more time to look our children in the eye, choosing connection over convenience. We’d be slower to anger and more patient with their big emotions. We’d find time each day to treasure the wonder of childhood and the joy that kids seem to find so easily in the ordinary.
The second problem: We use screens as a crutch because we are overstimulated and exhausted
We’re quick to hand our kids a screen because we reach a point in the day when dealing with them feels like too much, and screens become the path of least resistance. Many of us feel pressure to say yes to every opportunity that comes our way. We sign our kids up for all the camps, lessons, private tutoring sessions, and clubs we can find. Because if we don’t, our kids won’t get into a good enough college or won’t make the team. We can’t let our kids fall behind, so we reluctantly fill our schedules to overflow.
On the other hand, many modern moms feel this intense pressure to actively entertain their children all day long. It’s still exhaustion, but in a different form. When the ideas run out or our energy zaps, we’re tempted to rely on the digital babysitter to catch a break.
We don’t want to put our kids in front of the tablet, but we’re exhausted and need a moment of peace! The problem isn’t the screen itself; it’s the fact that we overschedule our lives and actively try to keep our kids from getting bored in the name of providing them a better future. Is a screen-addicted, overstimulated generation who doesn’t know how to be still, really better, though?
The third problem: Our efforts to control screens fail because we’ve forgotten that we’re in a spiritual battle
Lastly, we keep treating screen addiction like it’s a technology problem when it’s really a discipleship problem. Can our children sing all the lyrics to the latest Taylor Swift song, or can they recite Psalm 23 by heart? Every day, something is discipling our children. The question is whether it’s God’s word or the world? When we spend more time feeding our flesh than our spirits, screens will continue to pose a problem in our lives. How much time and effort do we put into the spiritual side of our children’s being?
If we want to go on the offensive in this battle for our children’s souls, we need the word of God. The only offensive weapon in the armor of God is the sword of the Spirit. Instead of handing them an iPad, what if we opened our Bibles together daily? What if we taught them what it means to be a child of God? I believe we’d start to see a change in their thoughts, actions, and habits. We’d start to see them spend less time on screens and more time seeking God’s will for their lives.
Parents, let’s lead by example. As I read these words to my family, my 7-year-old bluntly noted that I wrote about the dangers of screen time while looking at a screen. I’m not saying we abandon all use of devices. What I am saying is we need to take an honest look at our screen usage and prayerfully ask God to show us how to treasure our children, point them toward eternity, and nurture their spirits.
The goal isn’t to raise children who never use a screen. The goal is to raise a child whose heart belongs to Jesus.
Lauren Gaines writes for the mom who knows God has more for her family. An author, speaker, and homeschool mom, she is passionate about helping parents raise spiritually strong and emotionally healthy children. She is the founder of Inspired Motherhood and the author of Unshakable Kids. Learn more at inspired-motherhood.com.
