He says he's not an atheist, but former born-again California rapper, actor, director and record producer Hopsin, whose real name is Marcus Jamal Hopson — who caused a stir last summer when he revealed he had lost his faith via the lyrics of his angst-filled song "Ill Mind of Hopsin 7" — says God is yet to prove to him that He exists.
In a recent interview with Hard Knock TV, Hopsin, 29, who released his latest album Pound Syndrome on Friday, explained his reason for walking away from Christianity. He said he was still searching for God, praised the human brain as a "godly organ" and revealed that if he gets proof that God is real he would have no problem dedicating "100 percent" of his life and time to Him.
In his monologue to God, revealed in the lyrics of "Ill Mind of Hopsin 7" last summer, the rapper declared:
Send your condolences, this is me reaching to You so don't forget
If hell is truly your pit of fire and I get thrown in it
I'mma probably regret the fact that I ever wrote this [expletive]
My gut feeling says it's all fake
I hate to say it but [expletive] it, [expletive] I'd lost faith
This isn't a small phase, my perspective's all changed
My thoughts just keep picking [expletive] apart all day
And in my mind I make perfect sense
Though controversial, the song was well-received and racked up more than 18 million views on YouTube alone. Hopsin revealed in the interview that it was a bit of a cry for help to God.
"I made the 'Ill Mind 7' just talking about how I kinda' like fell out of Christianity and the reasons why I question everything. The song is still a cry for help in a way where [I'm saying] God, I want you to be real, I want you to be real but I just can't trust human beings," said the cerebral rapper.
"So please like tell me something. Am I going crazy, I don't know what it is because if He (God) did come down or something happened where it's a fact that He's real then I would have no problem dedicating 100 percent of my life and time through Him or it, but I just haven't seen anything," he continued in his interview with Hard Knock TV.
"I'm not dissing God or dissing the Bible. It's just me speaking strictly from a human perspective. … I have a wise brain I can analyze things and it's just me speaking from the perspective of a human being who's just curious. That's all. I'm yelling, it doesn't mean that I'm mad at God it's just," he said.
"God, whoever He is, whatever He is, built this," he said, referring to his body. "So I'm just using my vocals to yell to Him in the sky to really put the point across to say I really need to see something or else I just can't follow Him anymore. It doesn't mean I'll be like this permanently for the rest of my life. That's this moment in time. That's kinda' where I'm at," he added.
Hopsin said at the time when he produced the song he was going through a lot in his life, including a break-up which left him feeling like he was "on a huge emotional roller coaster."
"I didn't know who I was. I was just uncomfortable in my own skin. I had so many questions about life. … I could easily have followed through and just be a pretend human being and just go through the motions and being a rapper, play the part. But I just wasn't satisfied because when it comes to me, I'm just thinking about life, about the bigger picture," he said.
"When I was on the Knock Madness tour I was just thinking about life, I started questioning God. I was praying a lot. I was just really emotional, I was going through a break up situation as well. And I just felt like I needed to be home. I was over the rap thing. I just felt like I wasn't getting the respect and credit that I deserve," he continued.
"I just wanted to be home and find myself as a human being. Once I got off the tour I had just come to the realization, I just started questioning things like man, is God a real thing? Am I reaching out to somebody that will respond back? And the responses that I thought I got in the past, were those real? Or was it just me making up stuff in my head just kinda' seeing little signs going 'oh that's God talking to me oh that's …' I just didn't know," he said.
So when it was time for him to produce the "Ill Mind of Hopsin 7" last summer, he explained he decided to vent in his music.
"So the 'Ill Mind' time was coming up, July 18, 2014, which that's the time I usually release them. I just really had something to talk about and I know there are a lot of people in the world who feel that way," said Hopsin.
"I knew it was a touchy subject but I feel like I just have to be real and talk about it even if it sounds like I'm losing my mind. I'm an artist and I feel like that's how I do, that's how I vent. I can't talk to anyone else about it so when I make a beat and rap over it that's me venting," he said.
Hopsin explained that after the release of the song a lot of people came up to him saying they agreed and wanted nothing to do with God and the church, but he doesn't want to be lumped in with atheists because he is still searching for God.
"I want to get to know God. I want God to be real and I'm still on my quest to find why I'm here, find God," he said. "I'm not saying I have all the answers, I'm still on my journey. I want to believe. I'm still trying to make sense of everything."
He theorized that if there is any evidence of God's presence in man it would be the human brain.
"If God is real and he did give a piece of Himself to us it is our brain. The brain is so intricate. It can do so many things and people sleep on it. It's not just a piece of meat in there it can do so much. You can analyze things. You can pick apart things, you can understand them. You can get answers from it. You can shut your brain off and not get anything," he said.
"The brain is so powerful. I don't know what God is or anything, but the brain is definitely a godly organ because it is so powerful. It is extremely powerful, and once you understand how to use the brain you can maneuver your way through life and you can make heaven on Earth. You can make heaven everywhere you go and that's what I've been trying to do and tap into," he continued.
"This is no religion, this is no Scientology thing. This is just me being a human being. This is me understanding what I am and that's all it is," he explained.
WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW BELOW: