We want to Thank Christian musician/producer/actor Carman for taking the time to do an interview with us.
Breathecast: What was your initial reaction once you got your diagnosis?
Carman: The whole room goes white, like a flash went off. All the colors left the room and all the sound left the room. It's when they mentioned the word cancer, it's like a shock, like the shocker of shocks. It takes a while to hear anything for it to set in like that.
Breathecast: Once you got over the initial shock, what were thoughts then?
Carman: I wasn't too upset, I didn't get depressed, I didn't get anxiety ridden, I didn't cry. I didn't really feel anything, I may have just been sort of numb, almost like the calm you get when you're in a tragedy, everybody else is going crazy and you have to maintain your head. It's like a supernatural anesthetic and I just started to think about, well here's what I have to do. I have to call this one, I have to call that one, I can't let my mother find out about this because she's in the hospital and she's 90 years old and I just had to think through all the practical things. And um, you know, what's my life gonna be like between now and then, all of a sudden you have a deadline, there is a weird comforting factor that I didn't anticipate knowing when you think the end is gonna be, you know, like there are certain things you don't have to think about any more, um, some things in the future, or about your retirement, or family issues that are kinda just gone. There's a weird sense of calm that comes with that, but on the flip side of that, you've just been given a death sentence from someone that knows what they are talking about.
Breathecast: When you told your family the news of your diagnosis, what was that moment like, if you don't mind?
Carman: Everybody was pretty cool, it was that same shock factor. I think most of them fell apart after that, I don't think they wanted me to see.
Breathecast: You described your diagnosis as your new battle, why did you describe it that way?
Carman: Well I just assumed it was a battle, because the devil has been trying to take me out for a long time. I've been in several car wrecks, near fatal scenarios, and I've avoided it all many times. So it's just like a new battle for me, because either way your gonna have to fight to live, you've now, if you wanna live, your gonna have to fight for it, there is no way around it.
Breathecast: Where do you get your toughness from? You seem to have handled this really well since you announced it.
Carman: I grew up in New Jersey, in a really rough neighborhood and you have to get tough or die, that's for sure. You know when I went to school, the first day of school, your not thinking about your classes, or who your teachers are, or where your home room is. You're looking around thinking of who you have to fight or beat up to send a message for the rest of the year to leave you alone. Thats the first thing you look at and I had to do that probably 8 years in a row. Every year it was the same thing, so you learn how to get tough. There is a little savage inside of you that has to come out in order to survive the rest of the year.
To read the full interview, click here.