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5 things God will do to prepare you for a pure relationship

man and woman
Relationships can be made more meaningful by Scripture. |

When I use the phrase “a pure relationship,” I’m talking about a relationship that is both sexually pure and spiritually pure. A spiritually pure relationship is one that is filled with holy traits and devoid of worldliness and sin.

So here are 5 things that will happen when the Lord is preparing you for a pure relationship.

1. God will help you reject the idol of purity to prepare you for a pure relationship

Yes, purity, in both the physical and spiritual sense, is a good thing. But whenever we turn a good thing into the ultimate thing, that’s when it becomes an idol.

Having a pure relationship must not be the ultimate desire of your heart. God must be your ultimate desire. God is not there to give us a pure relationship with someone else. Rather, God wants His people to pursue pure relationships so that they bring glory to Him.

To prepare you for a pure relationship, God will help you repent of idolizing a pure relationship. As 1 John 5:21 states, “Little children, keep yourselves from idols.”

2. God will give you a biblical vision for purity based in Christ and not human effort

Humans often project their personal ideas onto the term “purity.” We imagine we are born pure and then over time we mess it up. Thus, we think we “lose” our purity when we sin. People then assume to have a pure relationship, two people who have not sinned too much must find each other before it’s too late. They must find each other before they make too many mistakes and thus are no longer pure. This is not a biblical vision for purity.

The Bible states we are born sinful, not pure. In Psalm 51, David is repenting of his sexual sin with Bathsheba. But notice what he says in verse 5 (NIV), “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” David certainly recognized that he had sinned horribly with Bathsheba, but he knew his impure actions were because his very nature was sinful from birth. He didn’t sin and then become sinful. He sinned because he was sinful.

The same is true for all of us. Even if you are a virgin and never dated someone, you are not truly pure. You are sinful. And even if you were a prostitute and sold your body to hundreds of people, you can become pure through Christ.

No matter who we are or what we have done, we all need the purity of Christ to be imputed to us. If we think we are pure through our own efforts, we cannot have a pure relationship. Only when we are justified through Christ can we truly be pure and have pure relationships.

As 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 (NLT) states, “Christ made us right with God; He made us pure and holy, and He freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, ‘If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.’”

3. God will prepare your heart for purity so your body will follow

In Matthew 15:19, Jesus said, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.”

Therefore, if you want a pure relationship, you must not first focus on your external behavior. Rather, you must get beneath the surface and focus on your heart with the Lord.

Only when you learn to cultivate the good desires God has given your new heart (Ezekiel 36:26-27) can you then allow purity to flow out of your heart in the way that you live in relationships. 

4. God will help you find someone with the same relationship goals as you

A pure relationship cannot be an individual endeavor. If one person is pulling towards the world and one person is pulling towards Christ, this is the definition of an unequally yoked relationship (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Don’t try to see someone’s potential, don’t try to see what an unbeliever could be, and don’t imagine someone means well even though they are doing wrong. Rather, look at reality, not your imagination.

God will give you eyes to see someone that truly wants a pure, biblical relationship and is seeking this with their actions like you are right now (2 Timothy 2:22).

5. God will help you be marriage-minded rather than dating-minded 

A long-term dating relationship will never be pure. Why? Because God made a man and woman who truly love each other to want to have a deeper and deeper intimacy. As the couple grows together, it should be impossible to resist this growing closeness.

Once a dating couple reaches the limits of healthy intimacy as a man and woman, the only way to be pure together is to become a husband and wife.

Only in the context of marriage can the deepest expression of intimacy be experienced in purity (Hebrews 13:4).

Mark Ballenger is a graduate of Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary with a Master’s Degree in Pastoral Counseling. He is also a husband and father. He has a YouTube channel and is the author of multiple books.

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