5 Things I Learned From Watching '50 Shades Darker'
4. People need other people.
My friend put it on a T-shirt. And I wrote a whole book about it.
The friends and family of the couple in this film just celebrate these two broken people becoming one broken mess.
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No one speaks up.
No one says, "I OBJECT."
I recently had a guy steal from me with Facebook ads. His agency was a total joke and I was in trouble and didn't know what to do. So I contacted a top agency recommend by Facebook themselves. The CEO was willing to get on the phone with me and offer up advice at $3.00 a minute.
I was impressed actually with the way that phone call was set up and organized. Super legit. At the rate of $180 bucks an hour.
Cheaper than a lawyer, I thought to myself that I should do this.
You know how many hours I spend talking to people who ultimately won't listen to anything I say? A lot. In fact, in 2017, I said I was done investing so many hours trying to help others that don't want help.
It is just a fact — most people don't have anyone to call when they are in a bind or when they are in a messed up relationship that they don't know how to get out of.
Not one person in this film helps Christian or Anastasia realize they are not right for each other, that they should not be in a relationship right now, that they should work on their issues.
That's sad, but that is real life for many of you.
You not only don't have people in your life you feel comfortable asking those questions to; you don't want to hear what they have to say anyway.
It's amazing what happens when you pay $3 a minute for advice. You listen. At least I did.
I thought maybe more people would listen to me when they call me in the middle of the night because their marriage is on the rocks and I point them towards the direction I feel they should go.
But, they don't do it.
Ultimately, whether you pay $3 bucks a minute or you get it for free. You need other people in your life.
If you are dating and thinking about marriage, you need to ask your friends and family (and kids if you have them) what they think of the other person, what they think of you two together, what their concerns are and then LISTEN and TAKE ACTION.
People need other people in good times and bad times.
5. You can't fix people.
People need other people, but that doesn't mean people can get you to change or someone can fix you.
Anastasia honestly believes she can get Christian to change. It was hard for me to watch because one of the things she does over and over in the movie is give into the things she was once against.
So, to get Christian to change, she pushes him for darker and darker sex knowing that in the end, it is not a good thing for him.
You and I can't fix people.
Marriage won't solve your problems.
If you are fighting and not seeing eye to eye dating, you are not going to get married and just have those problems solved. Instead, they will be compounded.
It's an ego thing to think you can fix someone because you can't. If you are healthy and believe that by dating an unhealthy person they will become healthy, you are WRONG.
They will most likely drag you down instead.
Chances are you both are dysfunctional like Christian and Anastasia and instead of tying the knot, these two should be separate and both work on themselves before getting into a relationship.
My friend told me he shouldn't be in a relationship and needed to work on some things. I agreed. He's still in a relationship because that is more fun than doing those other things that require deeper work.
My friend asked me to marry him and his girlfriend. I said I would do it, but a few weeks later I sat down with him and said while I would do the wedding, I didn't think he should marry her.
That was super tough.
I wondered, do I lose a friend over this if I say don't marry her and I won't do the wedding?
Do I just suck it up and marry them because that is the Christian thing to do so this couple can have sex?
You think I am exaggerating?
You know how many dumb things I have heard from people who told me their pastor found out they were living together or having sex and then just said, "Let me just marry you right now so you can stop living in sin."
DUMB.
Marriage, like I said about sex on my first point, doesn't solve your problems.
My buddy was divorced not long after the wedding I performed.
It was sad to watch, but I feel like so many Christian kids (especially) have been brainwashed to believe that marriage is the answer. That marriage will "fix anything."
Date for a long time.
Ask hard questions.
Look for red flags.
Ask anyone and everyone you know what they think of him or her and you together. Don't get caught up in the "I need to get married just so I can have sex" stuff.
Take your time and realize that the red flags you see while you are dating will still be there when you are married and you can't fix the other person.
I don't know how the trilogy ends. I can only imagine there is a wedding in movie three, continued dysfunction, and then probably kids at some point thrown into this ugly mess.
Anastasia deserves better and so do the girls in the theater watching this movie last night with all their girlfriends. So do you.
Don't settle.
Hold true to your standards and beliefs.
Don't compromise for a man.
Don't say yes to him when he doesn't respond to your needs.
And lastly, stop having sex today outside marriage.
Yea, its easier said than done, but it's the truth.
There is a time and place for it and outside of that complicates things and brings in many other things that you shouldn't worry about until you have that commitment in marriage.
In the movie, Christian asks Anastasia why she waited to have sex.
She said, "I was waiting for something exceptional."
Instead, she ended up with Christian Grey.
Set the bar high.
Exceptional is a good place to start.
Don't end up with a Christian Grey.
Wrapping this up because it is now 2:00am. Fifty Shades Darker isn't a movie or a book just about sex (sure there is a lot of sex in the movie).
I don't recommend the movie.
I do NOT recommend the movie just because of the sex.
It wasn't a good movie, period.
As you can see from what I just wrote for the past two hours, I didn't talk about whips, spanking, beads, dungeons, or anything like that.
Nope.
The thing that stood out to me all revolved around two people in a relationship who can't communicate with one another, so instead they just have sex. In the end that won't work for them and it won't work for you either.
Originally posted at xxxchurch.com.
