Pastor debunks idea that everyone is destined to find 'the one'

Courtesy Pexels
Courtesy Pexels

In advance of Valentine's Day, a Florida megachurch pastor has refuted the idea that every person is destined to fall in love with a specific person, commonly called "the one."

Pastor J.J. Vasquez of the Orlando-based Journey Church told his congregation in a sermon preached in early February that the idea of people trying to find their romantic partner who "God destined" as "the one who will complete me" is unrealistic for many reasons.  

"This is the image of love that we're sold in all of the multi-million-dollar-making movies," said Vasquez, who founded Journey Church alongside his wife, Liz, in 2014.

"'You complete me,' that we are a picture that is missing the piece and that somewhere in the world God has cut someone out who can fit right into the area of your heart that you are missing."

Vasquez claimed that "the concept of 'the one' does not come from the Bible," adding that he does not "believe in it." 

Vasquez said the idea of "the one" would make "God's whole plan for the world" easily broken if "one person missed their person." 

He said people considering a romantic partner to be "the one" might "give one person" too much power, and it ignores that some people were meant never to get married. Vasquez said the idea of "the one" ignores the words of the Bible.

Vasquez cited Matthew 19:12, which reads, "there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others — and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven." 

The pastor said those who are meant to be single for life have been given a gift from God, and there's purpose in that gift.

"If you're single, you don't have to worry about the other pieces of the puzzle. All you got to do is connect to your purpose [in God]. Because when you connect to your purpose, even if the other person doesn't come, all your needs are still met," Vasquez said.  

The notion some people have that "the one will complete my heart" often leaves Jesus out of the picture, he warned, adding that everyone has an empty void in their heart that needs to be filled with Jesus, not other people.  

"If you're missing a piece, and that person holds the piece of your heart, you're telling me you're putting all your identity, all your hope, all your peace in the hands of a person? Have you ever met a person? People are crazy," Vasquez said. 

"What if that person decides to cheat on you and gives your heart to someone else or steps on your heart? What if that person dies and takes your heart with them to the grave? What then? Not only that, the logic all falls apart. Because hear me. This is the real issue. If we all are pictures, missing our pieces, … then another person could never fill me. Why? Because then that would mean that they too [are missing a piece of their heart]." 

Vasquez said it's essential for Christians to recognize that "the one" does not exist and that loneliness won't disappear just because one gets married. 

"If you feel lonely before you find someone, you will feel lonely after you find someone, because your loneliness has nothing to do with the other person," said Vasquez. "Some people won't be alone or single long enough to let loneliness do its job. Loneliness is in your life to teach you something." 

"Loneliness is telling you that the problem isn't the [missing] piece. It's that you got the formula reversed. You think you're a picture looking for your piece. But if you stay alone long enough, loneliness will teach you that is not the case. That, in fact, you are the piece missing the big picture."

Nicole Alcindor is a reporter for The Christian Post. She can be reached at:

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