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University Bans Feminist Group for Being Too Gender Specific

University Bans Feminist Group for Being Too Gender Specific

A "Slutwalk" event that took place in Canada. | (Photo: Screengrab/YouTube/Evan Delshaw)

A prestigious academic institution has decided to officially ban their Feminist student organization after concluding that the group was too gender specific.

Officials at Trigger Warning University recently announced that the student group Feminist Ninjas Association was to be derecognized, effective immediately.

In a statement, TWU's Office of Diversity, Multicultural, Multiethnic, & Inclusiveness Policy explained the reasoning undergirding the removal of the Feminist Ninjas.

"We at Trigger Warning University believe that we must create a safe campus environment for all people, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability status, or favorite sports team," stated the Office.

"The group Feminist Ninjas Association had on multiple occasions violated campus policy regarding inclusiveness and thus had to lose its official recognition. We must protect campus diversity by abolishing their harmful ideas from campus."

In a document provided to BuzzVine, the list of incidents that the Office of Multicultural, Multiethnic, Diversity & … oh sorry, the Office of Diversity, Multiethnic, Multicultural & Inclusiveness Policy were as follows:

– Demanding more Women's Lit classes be added; such classes would only feature women authors, blatantly discriminating against self-identified non-women authors.

– Hosting multiple "Slut Walks" on campus; such walks were named after a term almost exclusively used to disparage women, thus excluding non-women slurs from the name.

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– Annually hosting performances of "The Vagina Monologues;" the vagina is, according to most experts, an exclusively female body organ.

– Once hosting a bra burning protest; bras are almost exclusively worn by women or, at the least, connote a distinctly female gender identity that reenforces the gender binary.

– Statements from assorted exec board members saying that only women can debate abortion; such a declaration makes self-identified non-women feel unwelcomed at campus.

"If we had a men's group on campus saying only men can debate something, or titling their events after exclusively male anatomy, we would take similar action," continued the statement from the Office of, um, is it Diversity, Multiethnic, Multinational & Inclusiveness Policy? No wait, wait, it's clearly Office of Diversity, Multiethnic, Multicultural & Inclusiveness Policy.

In keeping with University Policy, as a derecognized student group, the Feminist Ninjas will not be allowed to reserve rooms on campus for events or get funding from the Office of Student Activities.

They also must go to the center of campus and burn all their posters and membership cards, slowly walk across the University as other students pelt them with tomatoes, and be forced to park off campus for the duration of the school year.

In response to the news, the president of the Feminist Ninjas released a statement denouncing the TWU decision as a prime example of "heteronormative patriarchy" driven by "internalized oppression."

"This is a bigoted sexist decision that no decent woman being should stand for," declared the president, who added that Trigger Warning officials were being "ungrateful."

"If it wasn't for Feminists like myself and the Ninjas, Trigger Warning wouldn't be the safe space it is for different ideas and identities. I mean seriously, what kind of Revolution eats its own children???"

Correction Update: Throughout the article, the name of the office that punished the Feminist Ninjas was butchered horribly. Its actual name is the Office of Multicultural, Multiethnic, Mulitfaith, Diversity, Inclusiveness, & Inclusion Policy. BuzzVine regrets the error. Sort of.

WARNING: THE ARTICLE ABOVE IS A WORK OF SATIRE. PLEASE SHARE RESPONSIBLY.

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