Calif. Pastor: I Had an Abortion; I'm 'Haunted' Daily by Impossible Dream of Hearing Aborted Baby Say 'Daddy'

Christian Daniel Phillips speaking out about abortions in a video posted by Westside Christian Fellowship on January 17, 2015.
Christian Daniel Phillips speaking out about abortions in a video posted by Westside Christian Fellowship on January 17, 2015. | (Photo: Westside Christian Fellowship video screencap)

Correction Appended

A California pastor and two Christian men reveal ahead of March for Life week that one or more of their babies were aborted in a recent video, with the pastor saying the dream of seeing his aborted baby's first step and hear it call him "daddy" "haunts" him every day.

"The pain of regret is one of the hardest pains to deal with. Because of the constant reminder that we let down God, we let down others and we let down our child," says Shane Idleman, pastor of the non-denominational Westside Christian Fellowship church in Lancaster, California.

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Two other men featured in the 46-minute video, titled "Lord Remove My Guilt and Shame," are John Blandford of Heroic Media, and Daniel Phillips, a Christian who admits he regrets having two of his babies aborted.

"I was 28. I didn't know God. I called myself a Christian. I would go to church a couple times a month. I had just started dating this gal, and she got pregnant," Blandford shared.

"I should have manned up and I should have fought for you," Blandford adds, addressing his aborted child. "And I didn't. I didn't. I am so grateful that you are in Heaven with Jesus, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and that you got to see him before I did. And I know you're going to extend me grace, but I just—it would've been so cool to hang out with you here on earth."

Idleman says that as a pastor, his decision to concede to an abortion "haunts" him every day.

"What would they look like? Would it be a boy? Would it be a girl? Their first step, saying 'daddy.' But those are just dreams, dreams that often haunt me," he said.

Phillips also says that he missed the opportunity to speak out when he had the chance.

"We had a passive-aggressive stance," Phillips explains. "I was neither here nor there, so I never even fought for the opportunity to save the child."

After the men share their stories, the video features a sermon from Idleman that he delivered at his church on the subject of abortion. In his speech, the pastor talks about the difficulties believers face when living in two worlds – one as part of the church, and the other part of carnal, secular reality.

This week marks the 43rd anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision, which legalized abortion in America. Pro-life politicians and supporters have been attempting to reverse the decision ever since, and there have been numerous attempts to tighten abortion laws.

Rep. Ted Franks, R-Arizona, and Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tennessee, have sponsored a bill seeking to ban abortions after 20 weeks after fertilization, which is to be voted on Thursday by the House of Representatives.

"More than 18,000 'very late term' abortions are performed every year on perfectly healthy unborn babies in America," Franks said. "These are innocent and defenseless children who can not only feel pain, but who can survive outside the womb in most cases, and who are torturously killed without even basic anesthesia."

Correction: Friday, January 23, 2015: An earlier version of this article incorrectly described John Blandford as working for Online for Life. Mr. Blandford works for Heroic Media.

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