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Pornography, women and men hatred issues

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In my opinion, the most powerful tool, which Satan has in the destruction of the Biblical family model, is his propagation of pornography. The fact that men are attracted through the eye gate is a well-established truth and reality. It has been said that men will give up love to get sex and women will give up sex to feel loved. Both are endless cycles. Neither is based on truth and both end up empty handed, neither receiving what they truly seek. Both men and women seek to be in a fulfilled sexual relationship, a relationship in which the woman is truly loved by the man for who she really is, and the man is loved by the woman, for who he truly is.

Pornography is a lie, plain and simple. I once dated a professional model and had the opportunity of attending a model shoot. The photographer was instructing the models to arrange themselves in various poses. Over and over again the photographer would say “look sexy”, “look sexy.” In essence, what that photographer was doing was saying to the models, “Look here in this camera and tell the person who is looking at your photo ‘Here I am, this beautiful model, and I want to have sex with you!’ In truth this is a combination of physical beauty and an eye-to-eye communication, with the person viewing that photo being seduced by a force stronger than man’s greatest weakness.

I remember so clearly the trumpeted preaching of true men and women of God through the eighties and nineties who were warning against the long range effects of nudity which were just starting to emerge on the movie and TV screens. From the mockeries of the Saturday night live “Church Lady”, to the open rejection of the preachers message by the money moguls of Hollywood, the warnings against increased nudity went unheeded. 

Despite the warnings the fires then of the lust of the human heart to see more and more nudity fed and fueled the box offices of America. At the same time there was a rapid birth and proliferation of porn shops specializing in XXX un-edited sex movies and related items. Gradually not only in the US, but all over the world, the human heart was being blinded more and more by sexual sin. Feeding a beast with an unquenchable appetite, billions of dollars worldwide began to be pumped into the sex arena as realization struck, “Sex Sells!”

What no one fully realized is that women, whose beauty for the most part was the tool being used to drain men of their finances and ruin their moral fiber, were becoming “things.” Women began to feel more and more used by men to satisfy their porn stimulated sex drives, and at the same time men were losing any inhibitions that they formally had against using women. Women, who have a God given need to be loved, were being used as a momentary object of sexual passion, and then tossed aside, like a candy bar wrapper. As this monster of pornography has now grown out of control, it would be safe to say that the numbers have reached millions and beyond that, of women who lie lonely in their beds at night, having just experienced what I call “the roll off” as their husbands snore away at their side.

The “roll off”, in my opinion, starts out as initially a small resentment by a woman against her husband, because she senses that his mind was somewhere else during their intimacy. Immediately following his pleasure, he simply “rolls off “and falls off to sleep, leaving his wife feeling very alone.

This happens due to the fact that in countless cases, the man has been aroused sexually by some pornographic material he has viewed and not by his wife at all. His adoration is still locked into the picture, movie or video of the woman who was told by some photographer to “look sexy” in that image. The “big lie” is that the model has never seen him in her whole life. In reality, she has never desired to have sex with him. The further reality is that if she did ever see him she would probably laugh and say “Oh no!”

His resulting lack of a desire to show his wife affection and appreciation during and after his pleasure is an unfortunate, sinful, normal response to his indiscretions. She feels unloved after sex. The very clear reason that she feels unloved is that she is unloved and she knows that she was just used as a receptacle by her husband who just committed the sin of emotional adultery.  Matthew 5:28 tells us; “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NKJV)

Men choose to go on practicing such things while denying that they are doing them, but women are not fooled. Resentments build up. Even the most devout Christian women struggle, all the while asking God to enable them, to forgive and understand their husbands. Many marriages have lost the battle and ended up in divorce courts as men all too frequently succumb to extramarital affairs or the desire to find a often younger and more attractive partner. All of this is fueled by the lust of the human heart.

As a result of this, women filled with anger, having experienced this far too often with more than one man, succumb to the devil’s lie that all men are this way. They then fall into the trap of trying to find love in same-sex attractions, only to ultimately find out, we are all sinful at the core.

Only through true repentance and a life totally surrendered to Christ, a life that avoids destructive behaviors like pornography, can our minds and conscience be clear. Only then can we love our spouses as Jesus loves! We can through prayer in Christ be completely loyal to each other!

Rev Nolan J Harkness is the President and CEO of Nolan Harkness Evangelistic Ministries Inc. since 1985. He spent most of his adult life working in youth ministry. He also felt the calling of Evangelist/Revivalist and traveled as the door was open holding evangelistic meetings in churches throughout the Northeast. His website is

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