7 signs you (or someone you love) is a screen addict
When I was about 11, my family drove down to Galveston for a day at the beach. That particular morning the waters were swarming with jellyfish. Several bathers had been stung by their tentacles. As I waded into the surf, I was so focused on avoiding the jellyfish I hardly noticed as a rip current carried me into deep water. Had it not been for a strong adult swimmer who came to rescue me I might have drowned.
Christians have long recognized the “jellyfish” of the screen world. For decades we’ve been the ones boycotting lewd films, filtering our internet accounts, and blocking adult content on our TVs. We’ve worked hard to shield ourselves — and our families — from the bad language, gratuitous sex, and ungodly ideas that prevail in TV, video games, social media and movies.
But even Christians who avoid the jellyfish are finding themselves drowning in screen time. It’s not necessarily what we’re viewing — it’s how much we’re viewing that’s pulling us under.
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According to a pre-pandemic survey from Nielsen Media Research, the typical American spends nine hours a day watching screen entertainment. That’s not counting the time we spend on screens for work and school. Christians are no exception. For example, I know many believers who spend their days consuming doom-and-gloom stories on the Internet or cable TV news. As a result, they’ve become deeply cynical and suspicious. They see the world as full of jellyfish, and they’ve lost the joy of their salvation.
Let me be clear: It’s not a sin to watch TV or play video games. But anything we look at nine hours a day can rightly be described as the object of our worship. Those spare moments that used to be devoted to prayer, creativity, and thinking of others are now devoted to screen entertainment. We fix our eyes not upon Jesus, but on our TVs, computers, tablets, video games and smartphones.
This was my problem. As a Christian man, I was careful to avoid the jellyfish that float across our screens. But I was unaware of the rising tide of screen use that was consuming more and more of my time and attention, causing me to neglect more important things.
I have my iPhone to thank for waking me to the truth. When iOS 12 released, I received a screen time summary that included both my phone and laptop use. I was shocked at how many hours I had wasted surfing the web, playing a video game on my phone, and scrolling social media.
My shame was doubly painful since I work in the screen entertainment business. I should have known better. I know the tricks screen content producers employ to keep us viewing, swiping, and clicking. But even so I was pulled into the deep waters of screen time — an obsession that bordered on addiction.
For years I refused to think of myself as a screen addict. The term conjures up images of the unkempt gamer who hasn’t showered in days, the social media obsessed teen who can’t go five minutes without checking her profile, or the lonely man who hides in the dark indulging his sexual fantasies. That wasn’t me, so I gave myself a pass.
But for every hard-core screen addict there are dozens of people who are overindulging in screen life, and that’s taking a toll on real life. Here are seven signs you may be overusing or abusing screens:
1. You’re losing interest in real life activities
Screen addicts often give so much attention to screen life they begin to detach from real life. Appointments go missed or unscheduled. Chores get neglected. They may even neglect basics like bathing, housecleaning, and eating to allow more time for screen activities. Addicts sidestep life’s difficulties by retreating into their screens.
2. You feel anxious without a screen in front of you
Screen addicts often experience angst when they can’t engage in their favorite screen activities. Some feel jittery. They may mindlessly reach for their devices, or experience phantom “buzzes” even when their phones are not in their pockets. Screen addicts may be very uncomfortable with inactivity or silence. They’ll turn on the TV the moment they awaken and leave it on until bedtime — sometimes falling asleep to the drone of commercials. Hardcore screen addicts actually experience something akin to narcotic withdrawals when they are denied access to their screens.
3. You fantasize about your screen activities
Screen addicts often find themselves thinking about screen life even while doing other things. For example, many compulsive gamers imagine themselves as a character in their favorite game — even when they’re not playing. Men who use online pornography frequently battle sexual flashbacks all day long. Social media addicts struggle to think about anything other than their profiles, constantly wondering how many “likes” their posts are getting.
4. Your real life relationships are atrophying
Over time, screen addicts tend to detach from their friends and loved ones. Their social circle gets smaller. Here’s why: In the screen world, when we can “unfriend” anyone we dislike or disagree with, we get used to exercising this level of control over our associates; cancelling” the people who irritate or challenge us. Over time we forget how to negotiate the ups-and-downs of real life relationships. Plus, it’s just easier to reach for the game controller than it is to reach out to a friend.
5. You prefer screen-mediated communication.
Screen addicts often find it difficult to talk in real time. Texting gives us plenty of time to think about what we’re going to say, but real time conversation requires us to speak within seconds. Over time the compulsive texter loses the ability to have a phone or face-to-face conversation because the pace is so quick. Looking another person in the eye while speaking may feel unnatural to a person who’s used to communicating on a screen.
6. Screen time is your go-to activity.
I probably should have put this one first, because it’s so common. Billions of people around the world turn to their screens the moment they’re bored. We whip out our phones when we’re standing in line, sitting in a restaurant or waiting at the baggage carousel. Life is happening all around us, but we miss it because our eyes are glued to our screens.
7. You’re succumbing to the jellyfish.
The longer you stay in the water, the more likely you are to be stung. The Christian who spends ten hours a day in the screen world is more likely to become addicted than the one who spends ten minutes there. Heavy screen users will encounter more questionable content than those who limit their screen time.
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You may not be a full-blown screen addict, but most people are devoting more time to their screens than they should. Meanwhile, the important things in life are being displaced by the trivialities presented to us by our phones, computers, TVs and video games.
Jesus told his followers to guard their eyes. He issued a stern warning: If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. First, we see. Then we sin.
If you or someone you love is overusing or abusing screens, there are a number of strategies that can help. You can try a digital detox in which you retrain your brain to live without screen time. If the addiction is severe you can seek help at a growing number of inpatient treatment facilities. Or if you just need help cutting back on screen time, I have some suggestions at my website: www.DavidMurrow.com/Screens. Visit me there, and you can get back to real life.
David Murrow is a best-selling author and speaker. While he is best known for writing Why Men Hate Going to Church, he spends most of his time in what he calls “the screen addiction business” — in television and advertising. His latest book, Drowning in Screen Time: A Lifeline for Adults, Parents, Teachers, and Ministers Who Want to Reclaim Their Real Lives is available on Amazon and in stores nationwide on December 29, 2020.
