15 Really Funny Searches on My Church Website

Thom Rainer headshot

It's time for a blog post on the lighter side.

I expect many of you are pretty exhausted after Easter Sunday. Levity might be the better alternative to my more serious articles.

Here is what I did. I looked at a very lengthy list of different searches people made on Google that landed them at Many were expected. A large number, though, were total surprises. Here are 15 of the funnier surprise searches at my site, in no particular order.

1. "Best fitting collars for preachers." Clergy collar? Shirt collar? Dog collar?

2. "How to write a critical anonymous letter." Just say no.

3. "Why don't Baptists hug?" We enjoy fighting more.

4. "What do I do if a woman in the church is trying to seduce my husband?" Believe it or not, there were two searches just like this one. My blog must have a weird reputation.

5. "Bible verses that support the use of social media." Hezekiah 8:33: "Go therefore and make tweeters of all nations."

6. "Thom S. Ranier." I had to include that one; my last name gets misspelled a lot.

7. "Should greeters stand behind a counter?" My preference is slightly to the right.

8. "Characteristics of a good critic in the church." Here is my exhaustive list: _________.

9. "Seven demons that attack the church." Did you want specific names?

10. "What are the duties of the pastor emeritus?" To emerit with quality.

11. "Sermon on ugly deeds of church members." Enjoy it. It may be your last one.

12. "Driving to church late." See deacons, role of.

13. "What to do if a church member is rejected for a genuine hug." Suggest they try a church other than Baptist.

14. "Don't marry pretending women sermons." I have no idea.

15. "Should people hug in the church?" Okay, I'm beginning to see a pattern here.

Thank you, pastors and other church leaders. I hope some of these funny searches gave you reason to smile. I love serving you who are on the front lines of ministry, even if it sometimes involves humor.

You are truly my heroes.

Originally posted at

Dr. Thom Rainer is president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

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