Our College-Aged Son Has Roommate Trouble, Should We Get Involved?
DAD SAYS: The biggest change in college life since we graduated (a generation ago) is the rampant use of drugs on campus … and college administrations that (mostly) just stonewall parents in tough situations like these (of course they still want their fat tuition payments and big donations … but that is another column!!).
It is disconcerting how little most college administrators seem to care about the flood tide of drugs (the large majority of them illegal) and the directly related problem of college suicides. For most colleges, until something really bad happens (like a suicide) everything is 'fine.' That, combined with the attitude many parents seem to take, "hey, my son/daughter is at university…so I am not going to get involved" is a recipe for potential disaster.
18 is not a magic number where our high school teen-agers suddenly become wise and mature college students. Not at all. The freedoms, challenges and temptations of college can be overwhelming for many kids, especially without Mom's and/or Dad's involvement and encouragement. We know far too many families, even strong Christian families, who sent their kids off to college only to see them cycle downwards in the maelstrom of drugs, drinking, casual sex and other self-destructive behaviors. Some of those same kids are in institutions now. And they will not be getting out any time soon, if ever.
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That's why we believe it is vital to stay close with your kids when they go off to college. Phone calls, texts, even old fashioned letters … and be sure to visit from time to time. If they don't have money to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas … send them a free ticket. That's the best gift you can give them … and yourselves!!
You've invested 18 plus years of your lives helping your son or daughter get to this point. In this first 4 years of quasi-adulthood, be sure to be there for them when they need it. They will appreciate it, even if they don't say so right away (or even for a few years). Even in the difficult situation you outlined above, your prayers, gentle and wise counsel, and explicit love for your son will be comforting and reassuring to him in a very difficult time.
Praying for you all!!
Gregory
