What to Do If Your Boyfriend Wants You to Get an Abortion

Kristi Burton Brown is a pro-life attorney, volunteering for Life Legal Defense Foundation and also as an allied attorney for Alliance Defending Freedom.
Kristi Burton Brown is a pro-life attorney, volunteering for Life Legal Defense Foundation and also as an allied attorney for Alliance Defending Freedom.

Note: This article is for any girl or woman who is feeling pressured into having an abortion. If you are a guy who is trying to find out how to stop an abortion, please see this article written for dads. You may also want to read 10 reasons not to have an abortion.

1. Stand your ground.

You know you don't want an abortion. Maybe you know in your heart that your child is a real, live person (you're right!). Maybe you know your science and facts already. Maybe you can't bear to be a part of killing an innocent human being. Maybe you already love your child. Maybe you or someone you know has had an abortion, and you know the physical and emotional pain that comes with it.

Whatever your reason, you do not have to get an abortion. It is against the law for anyone to force or coerce you to get one. You are your child's mother, and no one — not your boyfriend, husband, parents, pimp, teacher, or lady at the grocery store — can make you get an abortion.

Let your "no!" mean "no!" — no matter what anyone else tells you. Your baby is a new, unique person who deserves a chance at life. Period.

If you ever need to be reminded why you don't want an abortion, read real stories from real women who have had abortions.

Their experiences will remind you why you don't want to do this, and will help keep you strong in difficult moments. (You can also read encouraging stories from girls who have been in your situation! Check out the Embrace Grace blog or the book A Bump in Life.)

More stories:

Until We Meet Again

Hundreds of women share their deep regret and pain after abortion

Heartache and Hell

I Regret Killing My Child

Soul-Deep Ache

2. Seek legal help when necessary.

If you are in an abusive, dangerous, or threatening situation, seek help. If you need to contact the police, do so. If you need an attorney on your side, he or she can help you get a restraining order against someone who is trying to force you to have an abortion. Your attorney can also send a letter to all abortion clinics or hospitals in your area and advise them that if you are brought to them for an abortion, it is against your will and they are not to perform one.

If you are still taken to an abortion clinic, you can call police, or text someone to call them for you. [Do this, too, if the abortion clinic itself is trying to force you to have an abortion — no matter how far into the clinic you are.] If you think it will stop the abortion, you can tell the abortion doctor or the nurse that you are going to call police if they do not stop. Police officers are supposed to enforce the letter that prohibits the clinic from performing an abortion on you. And, it is an illegal assault for an abortion doctor to perform an abortion against your will.

There are several legal organizations that often help at no cost. You can contact Alliance Defending Freedom, the Thomas More Law Center, the ACLJ, Liberty Counsel, the American Freedom Law Center, Life Legal Defense Foundation, the Law of Life Project, the Texas Center for Defense of Life, or the The Foundation for Moral Law. And just because one attorney tells you no, that doesn't mean there's not another one out there willing to help you. So keep trying, and don't take no for an answer (though you probably won't have to). These attorneys are usually more than happy to take cases like yours.

Just remember — you do not need to stay with someone who is physically or emotionally abusive to you, or someone who pressures you to kill your child. An ultrasound and seeing the baby's heartbeat do change a number of guys' minds, so give him that chance if you think it's best, but if your boyfriend continues to pressure and threaten you, get out.

3. Find emotional, spiritual, and material support.

It can be draining to do this alone. No matter how much you love your baby, you may get overwhelmed, sad, angry, and stressed out. But you don't have to do it alone! Find someone you can discuss your parenting plan with or someone you can talk about adoption with, if that interests you. Find someone who will go shopping for baby clothes with you, someone who will be excited for you!

Pregnancy resource centers can be a lifeline for you right now. They can help with many things — pointing you to resources for medical help, giving you prenatal vitamins and baby supplies, equipping you with the real facts about abortion and fetal development, listening and talking to you, believing in you and in life for your child, and often, giving you free ultrasounds. Sometimes all your boyfriend may need to change his mind is to see your baby on that screen, with her tiny heart beating away.

As I've written before:

You can locate a pregnancy center in your area by visiting Option Line's or Pregnancy Line's websites and entering your zip code. Image Clear Ultrasound or Save the Storks may also have a mobile ultrasound unit in your area — contact them to find out or ask if they will come where you are. They will provide a free ultrasound and someone helpful for [you] to talk to. …

Embrace Grace, Hidden Choices, and Teen Mother Choices International are three amazing organizations that can help some women throughout their pregnancies. Embrace Grace also has a blog with stories of women who chose to keep their babies or give them to a family through adoption.

Kristi Burton Brown is a Christian, pro-life attorney. She has volunteered for Life Legal Defense Foundation and as an allied attorney for Alliance Defending Freedom. She enjoys being a stay-at-home mom and a wife to her favorite man in the whole world. She also writes for Live Action News .

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