Living in the center of God's will is sometimes a mystery to the believer so I thought this little guide would give you some direction as you head into the new year as a wife!
1. For the husband to be the head of the home.
Ah, yes, a hot topic that many women won't agree with, but I'm not trying to win a popularity contest. I'm looking to have the best marriage possible and that will only happen if I listen to God rather than man. Since God is the creator of marriage, doesn't it make sense that our view of marriage should be in line with what the Bible has to say?
But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor. 11:3 (NLT)
2. To bear one another's burdens.
Our men have issues and insecurities just like we do. Be a soft place for him to land and help him up when he needs it. Do your best to not place blame on him when faced with various trials. Jesus said we will have trials. How we handle them is what truly matters. Conquer your trials with your husband instead of allowing your trials to conquer your marriage. Be each other's partner when times are tough.
3. To be physically intimate with one another.
The mundane. The busy schedules. The stresses of life. The hurt feelings. A complicated marriage bed. All of these issues sweep into the lives of every marriage and every couple needs to fight to keep their physical intimacy alive. Day in, day out. Month in, month out. Year in, year out. It's real tempting to decide that you no longer want to work on your physical intimacy because of everything else you're dealing with, but your marriage will only get worse before it'll get better. Fight to keep your spark alive. If the flame has gone out, re-ignite it!
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:5
4. To not go to bed angry.
If I go to bed angry, I won't want to be intimate with my husband. For a wife, physical intimacy starts off with emotional intimacy. If the emotional intimacy is broken, then the marriage bed will suffer. I work at resolving our conflict as quickly as possible because if I don't, I'll become bitter and I know it! Can you see how conflict can greatly divide and destroy your marriage? This is what the Enemy is seeking to do. Don't let him win this battle.
"Be angry, and do not sin" do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Eph. 4:26
5. To let go of bitterness.
I think there is an ounce (or a pound!) of bitterness that runs through my blood. Seriously! I feel like every day I have to ward of the beast of bitterness from taking over my heart and destroying my marriage. 'Let things go' is my constant mantra.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Eph. 4:31
6. To be kind, compassionate, and forgiving.
Kind. Compassionate. Forgiving. Three words that can change a marriage. Three words that can soften a hard heart. Three words that would describe my Savior, Jesus Christ. Three words that I want to describe me.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph. 4:32
7. To be respectful.
What does that even look like? Hmm, depends on your man. For mine, it looks a little like this:
- To not interrupt him when he's speaking to me.
- To place more consideration on what he likes more than what my children like.
- To look at him when he's speaking to me.
- To not tell him what he needs to do. (He's already got one mother and he doesn't need another one.)
And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph. 5:33
8. To be submissive to him.
Yep, I said the 's' word and it was spoken in the year 2018, no less! Let me give you a quick lesson on biblical submission...simply put, it just means you're supportive of your husband and the direction he's leading you and your family. When a man receives his wife's support it's absolutely amazing to see how much he'll soar in his role as a husband. Be the woman in his life who is his biggest cheerleader!
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1
9. To be a helper to him.
Back in the day when I was a single woman, I totally scoffed when I read about the wife being a helper to her husband.
And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18
I thought to myself, "I'm not going to be some man's helper because that position is so beneath me!"
But I made a choice and let me tell you, it was a very wise choice! Now, don't go thinking I was all arrogant when I made this decision because that was not the case. At that time of my life I didn't realize I was making a wise choice! I fully lacked biblical wisdom and discernment since I was a new believer. In my spiritual ignorance, I just trusted God at His word. I walked in faith as I chose to surrender to God regarding His plan for marriage before I even walked down the aisle.
Okay, walk with me in this thought process for a minute...if the Creator of marriage said to you, "Do marriage this way...follow this blueprint." Don't you think you and I would be wise to listen to God since He's the designer of marriage? Yeah, that's a no-brainer!
Now, come closer so I can let you in on a simple secret. When you have a heart to help your husband and you do so with a gracious and accepting attitude, you're going to win that man's heart. In time, you'll create a tremendous amount of influence in his life.
10. To have a gentle and quiet spirit.
Seriously, how does a woman who has a strong-willed and outspoken personality have a gentle and quiet spirit? Do I just shove myself in the closet all day long and keep my mouth shut? Oh no, girlfriend! This is SO far from what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Admittedly, it took me many years to figure this concept out.
Let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:4
Let me give you the lowdown on it- it's a gentle and quiet spirit, hence when I walk in my flesh (my sin tendency) the last thing I am is gentle and quiet. Instead, I'm brazen and impatient. But when I walk in the Spirit then my attitude is gentle and quiet because my heart is submitted to the will of my Father instead of my own will.
Jolene Engle was once an atheist who now lives a sold-out life for Jesus Christ. Her heart beats fast for discipling women, and you'll find her doing just that at JoleneEngle.com where she leads women and wives closer to Christ. She is also the author of the book and bible study, Wives of the Bible. Jolene and her husband, Eric are the hosts of, The Marriage Mentor podcast where they provide biblical guidance and practical application for common marital concerns.